I met my husband when I was 17, nearly 20 years ago. We moved in together shortly afterwards and have been together ever since, although we did split up for a year 10 years ago. We have a 2 and a half year old daughter.
When we first met, he was still getting over his ex who he had split up with two years previously. It caused lots of issues in our early relationship. For example, after a year of us being together I discovered that he was still carrying her photo around in his wallet. Another time, he ran into her in the pub, and instead of introducing her to me he ferried her over to the other side of the pub, leaving me sitting there while they had a nice catch up and exchanged numbers. As I said, this was a huge issue and we nearly split up over it, as I felt he wasn't over her.
As time passed, these issues faded into memory and we got on with our lives. A couple of years ago, she re-surfaced on Facebook. At the time I thought nothing of it. More recently, however, she commented on something he'd said. As far as I can tell no other contact was made (I don't know for sure)> I've been having an extremely difficult time emotionally as of late. I've had to quit my job as I'm so stressed and have been losing my hair which the doctor has said is also down to stress. I have always been the main breadwinner as my husband moves from job to job. Because of the way I've been feeling I asked him to delete her to from facebook about a month ago. Uncharacteristically, he exploded. Shouting, bringing up things I've said in arguments over a long period of time, accusing me of not trusting him, arguing that him not deleting her was a 'principle'. Our argument was so severe that I was left in absolute bits, having extremely dark thoughts. A few days later I checked and she was still friends with him on FB. I decided to ignore it, figuring I was over-reacting.
Tonight, we went out for a few drinks and I brought it up again (stupidly). Once again, he has exploded. Shouting, calling me a misery, saying I've ruined another perfectly good night. Refusing to delete her again and again because of the 'principle'. That I don't trust him, etc., etc. He has now left and gone to his mother's. I have no-one to turn to, no friends or close family - we've recently moved to the area and I have no contact with my mother.
I pointed out to him that if she is so un-important why is this turning into such a big deal. Why is keeping her on FB more important than my feelings? I may be over-reacting, but if it is upsetting his wife, why keep her on there? What upsets me most is not that she is on his FB but his reaction to my asking him to remove her, on more than one occasion. Given that she came before me (more than 20 years ago!) I'm left feeling that our whole relationship has been a lie, that I was always second choice. I don't know if this is my depression talking or if I am actually right to think he is being unreasonable. I guess I need some perspective here, am I being ridiculous? I should mention, that I haven't even thought about his ex in years, nor have I cared - it is the recent FB contact and his aggressive reaction which made me feel this way....am feeling very alone and so unhappy. When he left tonight he said that this was it for us. There are loads of other issues in our relationship (no sex for example). But I can't bring myself to believe that I have been second choice for all of these years.