"Falling Apart" drama about domestic violence on 40d now

[willthiseverbloodystop]

I read about this on here a few months ago, when I had just left my abusive ex, and wanted to watch it to stop me wobbling. It wasn't available then but I've just watched it on 40d and wanted to flag it up to anyone who hasn't seen it but wants to.

It's well worth a watch. It opened my eyes to a few things I hadn't thought about, mainly I identified with Claire's feelings during the marriage that she was strong, she could cope with this, she could sort it. I'd never thought about that, that I am used to being stoic and coping, and that actually kept me in the marriage, because I didn't see that no-one could or should cope with this. I just thought I could manage. But I shouldn't have had to.

Watching her get hit really upset me as my dd witnessed one incident, and I can't even begin to imagine what it was like for her. We have talked about it, and there has been fallout as I went to the police, so she knows it was wrong, but I'm not sure whether I should revisit it, because she must still think about it or have it in her consciousness? Need to think on that one.

I also recognised the constant blaming his problems on outside pressures, his promising to get help, all that. It's just bollocks.

I don't think I would ever get into another abusive relationship (or if I did I wouldn't hesitate to leave at red flag no 1) , but I do think watching this has helped cement that. It's very well done. I was watching it thinking my ex was;t as violent as that, I was never injured, but then I had a few flashbacks and imagined how certain situations would look on film, and actually probably not that different. The film is nuanced enough that it covers the controlling aspect and how the odd push and shove can seem innocuous but actually isn't.

I saw it years ago and shared it on Women's Aid's message board. Unfortunately some women found it triggering (I did not know about trigger warnings at that time), although a lot found it helpful, or recognised themselves. It's a very good film, very well made. It used to be available to watch anytime on 4OD but maybe restricted now. Thanks for sharing it!

Wow! I have just come out of a 2 year roller coaster relationship.! Ams my ex constantly makes me feel guilty for leaving him, he has been for therapy, he has changed blah blah! I then remembered a powerful drama I watched in 2002 - falling apart with the amazing actors Hermoine Norris and Mark Strong! Lucky for me this powerful one off drama is still available on 4 on demand! I watched it again - twice! I squirmed, i cried and i so identified with the “ frog in the boiling water concept” - how u can meet a stranger who loves u so much - u dont see early on the abuse about to unravel subtedly! Its not just the stereotype “bloke comes home pissed and beats the wife” - its control, emotional abuse then its gets sinister over a very long period of time! Since watching this as a strong willed woman - ive realised - its very common, we are good women who don’t understand how a man who loves us can do this and we have fell for the “ im sorry” “ its work” “ its stress” “ i will get therapy” bs! I cried, i cringed but felt so empowered after watching it again over 15 years from when it first hit our screens and i encourage every woman and her friends, daughters,nieces etc to do the same! I got out before any physical abuse could happen. It was emotional abuse I suffered and I now realise i was another clare like hermoine portrayed - i had done nothing wrong! I was with a man with two faces and got out in time and I no longer have any regrets!