How can I stop being such a fence sitter/people pleaser?

[OpalFruitsNotStarburst]

I hate confrontation, I hate thinking people are in a mood with me or disapproving of me in any way.

I am scared of giving my opinions on things. Whenever I do this I end up with people not talking to me. If I say no to anyone, I end up with them falling out with me.

How can I stop this madness?

I can't even seem to disagree with someone without them falling out with me. Friends on FB today have been having arguments about politics and voting, and everyone disagreed with one friend in particular who was very opinionated, yet they're all still friends with her. I could never get away with posting or saying anything like that!

Never be a doormat. If you don't want to do something just say no, sorry but I can't. Don't feel like you have to be overly apologetic or have an excuse. 'Im busy' is a good enough excuse.

Do you have confidence in your opinions? Do you feel informed?

It's all about self esteem and it sounds like you have to work a bit on yours.

They see your kindness as weakness so they think falling out with you will control you and put you in your place. Next person to do it tell them to sod off if they want to be so immature as your not a door Mat. I was once as you described, I'm totally different now as I don't fear losing people because of it. You have to stand up for yourself and not be pushed around :)

Name change, pop on to AIBU and give an honest answer to the first five threads. Try to defend your position if you need to, but you need to practise saying what you think in an anonymous way. Without being a goady fucker, that is

Missqwerty - how did you manage to change? I am just as the OP described. I am 'over kind' and this leads people to seeing me as weak. The worst thing is at work - I am in quite a high position and I STILL want the people who report to me to like me and think of me as a friend and it is really holding me back. I was bullied as a child so I know where it stems from. When I ask someone on my team to do something, they quite often sigh, or snap at me, I have no authority as I am too kind.

Honeysuckle has the right idea. Practice on here. Get into a few bunfights and defend your position.

I don't like confrontation either, but am more assertive than I used to be. I'm politely assertive. I don't shout and swear, or get angry very often.

So, OpalFruits, you and I need to head over to AIBU and bunfight a bit. I agree, I think it may help. MMeLindor, thank you, I think one of my issues is that in order to confront, I need to lose my temper, and then I really shock people. So I need to keep a lid on it.