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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He knows I want out-- now what?

9 replies

thatsnotmynamereally · 08/05/2015 19:14

So, H has seen the divorce papers yesterday which he crumpled up and threw on the floor. Last night he stayed at our other house-- the place I'm in is supposed to be going on the market, agents coming tomorrow.

All day I've had texts and calls for me to come out to see him (the other place is isolated) and I'm saying no. He says he wants me to bring the dog out because he's lonely. Then he's said he'll come back here and drink 6 bottles of wine and probably die in the night because he's so depressed if only.

I know it's all manipulative bollocks but I'm aware that WA say that abusive men often get worse at point of separation which is part of the reason it's taken me so long to get this far (papers have been back from court for a couple of months but I've been too timid to tell him). I just keep thinking I should appease him a bit, to keep it manageable. I just don't want a big blowout. Any advice?

OP posts:
Vivacia · 08/05/2015 19:27

Hi thats, have you had a thread before, with more of the background to this situation?

thatsnotmynamereally · 08/05/2015 19:39

Sorry, I am in a stream-of consciousness mood right now! Should have posted it on my long running thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2235186-non-molestation-orders-any-views

I texted him that I wasn't coming, he just texted back that he was 'totally giving up' ... So that's ok for tonight I think. I just don't want him banging on the door I the middle of the night.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/05/2015 19:41

don't try to appease a manipulative man like this

it will never end

don't respond to any more bollocks like this

thatsnotmynamereally · 08/05/2015 19:50

Thank you AF I need to hear the voice of reason. Of course I'm not going out. Not going to call or answer his texts either what was I thinking

I'm glad he knows. But all the 'danger' warnings get me over-thinking things. He really is a sh*t, isn't he? Texts such as: I get lonely that's why I had a family

WTF?? I'm so done with all this!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/05/2015 19:52

Good for you.

Ignore the self pitying "me me me" whining. I am sure you have had a bellyful.

SolidGoldBrass · 08/05/2015 20:37

Of course, they're never actually going to top themselves. They're incapable of being considerate enough to do so and get out of your hair.
Just ignore. Good luck.

Vivacia · 08/05/2015 20:38

Sorry OP, I got the feeling that this was something big and didn't want to wade in, putting my foot in it.

I hope you're ok tonight. Would it help to have a plan for if he does turn up?

thatsnotmynamereally · 08/05/2015 20:49

Thanks all! Front door bolted, I can dial 999 if he comes back in angry mode, but I don't think he will tonight. I think tomorrow is going to be tough, he fully expects me to drive out with the dog.

I did consider driving out and sprinting back by train, leaving the car behind. But that's what doormat thatsnot would do...the new me shouldn't go out of my way for him! Wasting time and money to appease him would be fuel on the fire, I think.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/05/2015 21:07

do something entirely different tomorrow

something that you enjoy

with your phone switched off

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