I have no friends. So lonely

[sadhazzie]

Hey all. Short story is I used to be in a close circle of 6 girls. This has always been a bitchy group of friends and fairly childish and basically is no longer a group with plenty fallings out and I feel stuck in the middle with a few of people as I remain friends with everyone, yet I get made to feel bad about this by the ones who aren't friends etc.

I am in my early 20s, live at home, work full time. I am a fairly average early 20 something and enjoy going out at weekends, clothes shopping etc! I used to be VERY shy which I think is why I don't have a wider circle of friends - I have been to uni but chose to live at home and didn't create any lasting friendships due to being so quiet and my mum dying in my first year so that knocked me a bit.

I've since lost weight and found a whole new confidence. I am still a quiet person but that's just who I am - I am much more confident now and wish I was like this before.

Anyway, the situation with my friends is really getting me down. I make so much effort but it gets thrown back in my face with my best friend being very moody all the time and accusing me of not putting her as a priority. I really cba with it. but if I cut myself off from them, I have NO friends. I know people but nobody I could organise things with or go out clubbing with.

I work but everyone is older than me so it's hard to create friendships there as they are much more like mother figures to me

how can I meet new people? like I said, I'm just a pretty average girly 20 odd year old. I've decided I'm going to join a running club so that's a start but I don't know what else I can do. I have never had a boyfriend and I don't know where to meet guys either except out in pubs which isn't ideal.

sorry for blabbing. any advice is welcome xx

I was in your situation after a long illness. I was in a town where I knew one couple and they were only around once a month. That was fine when I was ill and didn't feel up to socialising much, but once I was better I needed to get out an meet new people.

I joined Meetup.com and found a few groups I liked the look of. The first time I went, it was a music night in a local pub. I walked up and down outside the place 6 times before I got up the courage to go in. I started by sitting in the corner and just listening but soon got brought into the conversation and onto the dancefloor - I hadn't danced in years.

From there I made several firm friends, and I even went to a wedding a few weeks ago because I was invited by one of the lovely people I met.

In short, try meetup - no matter what you're into, there's bound to be a group that is interested in the same things. It certainly helps make new friends when you already have something to talk about.

best of luck :)

hey thanks for the reply I will have a look, although I would be quite nervous if anyone my age went along as I seem to think everyone else my age with my interests are out having fun with a wide circle of friends :( I have volunteered at local charities in the past and would like to do something like this again but struggle when working full time. I just need to put myself out there as I am sick of tears over feeling this way

I could have written the same post sadhazzie, I have a few friends from school who I see occasionally but no group who I could go out with regularly or count on seeing at the weekend, it can get very lonely.

It's hard after school and uni to make friends. Sorry I don't really have any suggestions, I keep meaning to try meetup but it doesn't seem to be that big in my area

Join clubs. Use Facebook groups. Get involved with your community. Do voluntary work.

Aww, sadhazzie, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I felt like you in my early 20s, and I'm glad to say that now I'm in my mid 30s I have many friends. I'm sure you'll make a lot of new friends if you follow the advice on this thread, it sounds like you have a lot of good ideas yourself already.

Although it is less easy to meet people if you're no longer in education, in my experience it's still possible to make new friends but just takes a bit longer as people often have their established groups. So you do need to be patient and give it some time, expect these friendships to develop gradually. You said you're no longer in touch with anyone from uni. Did you make any aquaintances there who you could try and keep in touch with, maybe on FB, and it could develop into a friendship? I find a good way to make friends is to develop my aquaintanceships into friendships. For example, if there is someone you like at work, you could meet them for lunch, or go for drinks with a group after work.

Meeting with others who share an interest is also a good way to make new friends, so sports clubs, meetup, women's institute, hiking club etc or volunteering for a cause that inspires you. Many people also make friends through their religious community too, if that applies to you. Taking an evening course in a subject you are interested in is also a good way to meet people, people who have dogs often meet friends through dog walking or events associated with pets. Being on social media is a good way to stay connected with people you don't know so well, as long as it doesn't make you develop a fear of missing out seeing others pictures.

I also recommend meetup as a good place to meet others with a shares interest. I met a lot of people though a creative writing group who I am still in touch with 5 years later.

Expect friendships to develop more slowly as an adult, but they WILL develop, particularly if you stay settled in the same geographical area.

All the best

I was also like you in my mid twenties. I got a bar job for the extra money and moved into a house share. With a group of very social other 20 somethings. I appreciate this might not be possible financially if you are saving for something but it changed my life! Still have the same friends and new ones 20 years on..

If you believe in God, you could find a good church. My church has so many social activities I cannot keep up. I'm just trying to give you another choice.

Yes houseshare another way I met lots of new friends in my 20s

A running club sounds a good idea. If you like that sort of thing, how about a regular exercise class? Zumba or something that might be likely to have women your age group?