Dad always seems to be in a world of his own

[CharlieChaplinsHat]

I spent last night over at my parents house to watch the election. My mum wasn't there, it was just me, my DD and my dad. I haven't always got on with my dad, he has always been very distant etc and has a bit of a temper issue which led to me going NC for a period of time.

Anyway last night I was really aware of how distant my dad is. I would address him directly and he literally would not notice that I have spoken to him (same with my DD). He doesn't have a problem with his hearing, I think he is just very absent minded iyswim. I find it so frustrating having to constantly repeat myself etc or trying to get his attention. He also seemed irritated by my DD who was just being a normal child making abit of noise (not a massive amount of noise actually, just chatting to me on the sofa). He would also misunderstand what I was saying, patronise me or not let me finish. He just doesn't seem to be able to take on board what I am saying, he clearly doesn't listen.

I don't know, I just found it all quite stressful. He is the sort of person who is very sensitive and will get angry if I would ever point this out to him or tell him how I feel.

Does anyone else have a Dad abit like this and how do you deal with it?

Sounds similar to my father. He might ask a question, but I think he reckons he's being polite to ask, because he'll just completely ignore you while you're talking to him, or just hrrumph and wander off.
Needless to say, I don't bother trying to chat with him or tell him stuff about the kids any more and when I phone up I just ask to speak to mum.
I avoid going to stay with them, or limit it to a max of two nights because we really don't have that type of relationship. He gets cross and judgmental about the younger ones (dd1 can do no wrong though, and regularly goes away with them on holiday) and I don't like the stress.

charliechaplain it rather sounds like this is just the way your father is. It's very long standing you say. There's a chance it's due to something sinister - would your father consider going to the doctor or would he just dismiss it?

But there's a pattern here of dismissing your mother and silencing her for a long time. Now he does it more to you and your daughter. Was he better when you were younger?

As people get older they become more themselves, at least unless dementia strikes. I'm afraid that from what you say, you might have to adjust to the status quo and give up the expectations of a rational relationship with him. It's a form of loss really.

It's true that women, generally , instinctively understand what being a good mother entails - even if we've had a poor role model [speaks for self]. Men just don't make that connection naturally? Hence teaching. I wish they taught it in schools, churches, scouts...

I think some men do make the connection without having a role model but they are few and far between.