Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Pity party, don't mind me

12 replies

FallingApartNow · 08/05/2015 15:12

I've just looked at my Ex P's Facebook and seen that he's on the up and up in life. He was mentally and emotionally abusive and while I've gone on to develop depression and give up on life, he seems to have been perfectly fine. Not fair at all. I don't know how I'll ever be able to live with such feelings.

OP posts:
AlternativeTentacles · 08/05/2015 15:17

I recommend not looking at exes facebook pages, and just cracking on with your own life. What were you hoping for exactly?

FoxInTheDesert · 08/05/2015 15:20

You know what, FB is just a facade. It doesn't show someone's life the way it really is, it shows what people want you to see.

Block him, don't even look at his page, he was an abusive man and he needs to be out of your life. You are now battling depression which is not strange given what he put you through. Focus on people that are good to you, continue to seek help with your depression, and please don't even go near his FB profile. You will get through this and you will be stronger and happier than you ever were with that sad excuse of a man.

matroyshka · 08/05/2015 15:21

Agree with Tentacles (although am unable to take my own advice!) - actually I do think FB pages should be taken with a pinch of salt, it's only showing the things they want other people to see and not necessarily (or likely) a real reflection of their life. So he could be having a very average life in general, but just had a nice holiday or whatever and took a few pictures - try not to read too much into whatever it was that you saw.

matroyshka · 08/05/2015 15:22

x-posted with Fox!

pocketsaviour · 08/05/2015 15:27

Absolutely agree with PPs. If you looked at my FB in 2014 you'd think I'd had an amazing positive year that was full of sunshine and kittens. In fact I was horribly depressed for a lot of it and had a rapid rise in my pain levels as well. But I don't put that shit on FB because I don't want people feeling sorry for me (also I don't like to focus on negatives.)

If it's upsetting you I recommend blocking his FB completely so you can't see it at all.

Original poster
FallingApartNow · 08/05/2015 15:28

I don't know tentacles perhaps to see that he has some sort of remorse for the hell he put me through. But not at all. Life for him has been something of walk in the park. I've completely fallen apart and can't believe how someone could be so abusive and cruel. I don't understand why he did what he did.
Thanks fox what you say is completely true but for some reason I can't seem to get over this fog.

OP posts:
AlternativeTentacles · 08/05/2015 16:05

perhaps to see that he has some sort of remorse for the hell he put me through

Come on - do you think anyone is going to say 'gosh, I really see what a complete knob I was'?

Block him and move on with your life. It will only ever cause you pain.

FoxInTheDesert · 08/05/2015 17:59

I understand the way you feel. It seems unfair that the abuser is happily living ever after and you're left to pick up the pieces and deal with depression. He will never feel remorse as he has probably no idea what that is. And you can't control what he does, you can only work on you. And working to get better towards a happy and healthy life is the best thing you can do for yourself. He is no longer relevant, you are.

BitOutOfPractice · 08/05/2015 18:16

People like him never feel remorse. If you're hanging on for that you'kl be sadly disappointed

Block him. I know it's hard (trsut me, I know!)

I spent about 6 months obsessing over my exDP and his OW. Ony when I went completely NC and blocked them on socia media did I start to heal

But have a Thanks becuase I know how hard it is

fluffapuss · 09/05/2015 00:50

Hello Falling

Ex for a reason

Stop putting energy into thinking about your ex

Start putting 100% energy into yourself

Plan some short term & long term things to do for yourself
They dont have to be big things
Some things take time & effort
Be thankful for 3 good things each day

Ever heard of the "do 50 random acts of kindness" ?
Do something nice for someone

Good luck

Coyoacan · 09/05/2015 02:50

Remember you don't have to live with him anymore whereas he has to stay with him for the rest of time

FantasticButtocks · 09/05/2015 03:06

Once upon a time he was abusive to you and had power over you. Now he doesn't.

If you keep torturing yourself by looking at his FB, is that actually helpful to you? Or is it letting him or your idea of his perfectly fine life still have power over you?

He is out of your life for a reason. Don't let him affect your recovery and your future - he has done enough damage.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page