It feels like my step father is harassing me

[Poppysquad]

y poor old mum died at the beginning of February, aged only 72, leaving behind her younger husband, of 67, who she was married to for 38 years. He, obviously, has been devastated, but over the last month, I am finding aspects of his behaviour more and more worrying.

I am now getting texts from him with 'Love you' at the end of them and he is talking about having an ideal of what the future would be, which I have a creepy feeling is me stepping into my Mums shoes.

Last night after me cooking tea at home for him and my DS, he went to kiss me on my cheek to say good-bye and he as he touched my ribs I jumped and moved away and he stormed off then sending me text messages saying that he obviously revolts me. Not what you'd expect from a 'step father'.

I am divorced, aged 54 with a partner who does not live with me and I am feeling vulnerable. I know that my sensitivity to this is heightened as he used to try and harass me as a teenager. All of this is bringing back some very miserable and frightening times.

A good grandfather does NOT harass and sexually intimidate his grandson's mother.

You do not need this man as a role model for your son nor do you need to remain in contact with him just because he happened to once be married to your mum.

Might be a good idea to have a chat with you sister if you can, establish a joint way of dealing with him, united front and all that

Thanks once again. My DS Is 17 and definitely not a child.

I think I do need to speak with my sister. I can't let this go on.

I called my partner after another very odd text this evening. He says that we will sort this out. I need to pluck up the courage to tell my partner about what happened when I was younger

You are genuinely allowed to block this man from your phone, and from your life.

Truly. Right now, if you want to.

You don't need to wait for some hypothetical incident that is "bad enough". It was already bad enough 40 years ago.

and I am so sorry for your loss of your Mum.

Your son does not need him as a grandfather. You do not need to keep him in your life. Your son will not benefit in any way from having a close relationship with a man who was sexually inappropriate with you and who remains so. I hope your partner is able to support you in getting this man out of your lives.

You owe this man nothing. You owe yourself a life without him in it and you owe your son too. He doesn't need to grow up feeling there's something really off about the whole thing. He'll pick up how you feel and it will bother him.

You will be so much happier without having to deal with this man. You don't owe him access to your son or any loyalty or anything.

I am so sorry that you have to deal with his crap on top of the sad loss of your mum. x

OP remember - you have nothing to be ashamed of, you have done nothing wrong.

Well done on planning to tell your partner, yes yes to telling your sister.

Don't keep this a secret any longer. Don't tolerate it any longer.

How is your partner planning to handle the text?

Maybe you could show your partner and sister this thread if its too hard to say?