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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I really don't like myself (long)

13 replies

Thaigal · 07/11/2006 20:49

Do you ever get a picture in your head of how you WANT to be? how you think you SHOULD be but just can't get the motivation to be?

Just lately it seems like everything is falling apart and I sometimes feel like I can't be bothered to save it which I know is wrong. The house is a tip, it's a tiny council house with only two rooms downstairs (living room and kitchen) so the living room gets messed up very quickly and no matter how hard I try I just can't keep on top of it. The couch is always cluttered with mess and there is usually one of the kid's dirty clothes on the floor. There is always a huge pile of ironing that needs doing but as I hate ironing it just gets left to grow bigger by the day...then we never have any clothes when we need them which means we're usually late for whatever it is we're supposed to be doing whilst I do some last minute ironing. My bedroom is also a tip, my desk is full of chocolate wrappers which I fill myself with each night as if it's my only source of enjoyment, luckily I don't put weight on easily but I feel frumpy, I'm not overweight but I'm not toned like I want to be, I'm only 25 so I have the ability to be how I want but just cant be bothered to try, every morning I think "Ill make an effort today" but half way through straightning my hair I think "whats the point? it will look a mess by 10am anyway" and I just tie it back and go out as my plain Jane self, as always.

The kids bedrooms are always a mess, I try my best to keep them tidy but at the same time I want them to learn to tidy them themselves which never happens so I end up giving them a good tidy on a weekend just for them to come home from their dads and instantly turn them upside down again, I feel like they're taking the piss sometimes which is wrong as they're only little.

Apart from the house I feel I'm a bad parent, I am constantly losing my temper with the kids, at my worst I shout and swear like a fishwife, god knows what the neighnbours think...I have a very short fuse lately but they seem so badly behaved lately, I feel I'm losing control of them, my once impecibly behaved 7 year old is now cheeky, rude and arrogent not to mention lazy but I know it's my fault as I never spend time with them, when we get home from school I usually rush onto the PC and chat on forums, usually about parenting ironically whilst my kids are sat on their own on the playstation or watching tv. I think to myself "Ill get the monopoly board out..." but when it comes to it I can never be bothered. I've tried keeping the PC turned off and forcing myself to stay downstairs with the kids but I get incredibly bored with the silly, tedious tv programs and DVD's that we've seen 100 times each.

The annoying thing is I KNOW the kind of parent I want to be, I want to be organised, clean uniforms ready in a morning that the boys slip into easily so we can all leave the house in plenty of time with no rush or panic...I know all I need to do is get them ready the night before so why do I never do it?

When the kids come in from school I KNOW they shouldnt be left on their own whilst I prat about on the pc, I know I should set up a timetable or some kind of chart...homework...playtime...tea time...bath time...bed time... it sounds so easy and simple so why dont I do it? why can I never be bothered to do the simplist of things?

Nothing is organised, nothing is done properly, I'm mean to the kids when they're all I live for, what is wrong with me?

I know people are going to suggest that I'm depressed but I really don't feel depressed, I have nothing to be depressed about. I just feel so stressed out and lazy.

OP posts:
CaptainCaveman · 07/11/2006 20:53

Apart from being on the pc, do you ever get a minute to yourself?

Could you set yourself one challenge a day and stick to it?
eg.
DAy 1 - set up a timetable
Day 2 - stick to one thing off the timetable (maybe get kids clothes ready the night before).
etc. etc.

You'll be so impressed with yourself for achieving something it may motivate you to carry on?

Thaigal · 07/11/2006 20:57

I don't get any time to myself apart from when they're in bed and then that's spent on the pc, even though the pc bores me to death anyway.

I will set up a chart tomorow, I think it will help us. I need a job, I know I do, I think that is my biggest problem.

OP posts:
tribpot · 07/11/2006 21:00

Have you tried joining our daily FLY threads? I've fallen off the bandwagon a bit of late but I am finding it fantastically useful to get on top of my household work. Feeling like you are in control is about 80% of the battle I reckon.

FLYlady website

We have a daily thread, here it is.

Pages · 07/11/2006 21:32

Hi there. Before you even said it I was going to suggest that you need to get a job or some kind of interest outside the home. If you are a single mum you will in all likelihood get tax credits to help with any childcare costs (not sure if yours are all at school?).

I personally love my dc to bits but I know from my experience on maternity leave that I find it hard to be at home all the time. There is no point in wearing nice clothes and makeup when you are not going to see anyone, I dress like a slob at home because I just get snot and babysick all over me within and hour of getting up. But...

Four days a week I get to wear a suit and makeup to go to work and chat to people and even flirt a bit on occasion and I pay someone else to do my ironing.

Like you I still have to pick clothes up off the floor and push myself to go to the gym and stop myself munching too much chocolate in the evening but getting out of the house and doing something unrelated to being a mum really does help.

You don't mention whether you are in a relationship..?? If not, do you get a chance to meet new people at all?

Judy1234 · 07/11/2006 23:03

I wish my ex had the children sometimes. I would love to have that break you get.
It sounds like you're a bit depressed actually and your GP can help you sort that out. Untidy house, things getting on top of you etc are all signs of that.

charliecat · 09/11/2006 23:14

I know just how you feel. Any better since writting it all out?

charliecat · 11/11/2006 21:16

Bumpty Bump, saw you about, hows it going now?

Thaigal · 11/11/2006 21:33

I forgot about this thread! must have been on a downer that day thanks for all the replies.

The following day I made a list of all the things that I wanted to get done in the house and you know, I had the best cleaning up day ever! got so much stuff done, its amazing how little things like that can make a difference.

I'm going to make myself a swear box and get the kids to police it, I know I'm losing my temper when I start to swear so I'm hoping this will help with that.

I still need to work out a time-table for homework, bath and bed etc...I will do that tomorow whilst the boys are at their dads.

Thanks again for the replies, I'm feeling much better now thank you x

OP posts:
charliecat · 11/11/2006 21:35

Excellent news

ameli · 12/11/2006 21:49

Thaigal,

the fact that you care so much about all the things you mentioned speaks volumes. Im sure your kids love you to bits and hey were all in the same boat re house, cleaning etc. Set yourself realistic goals and get yourself out away from the flat. Im sure change will do you and the kids world of good. I truly admire your honesty, your not lazy.. just exhausted by the sounds of it.

zookeeper · 13/11/2006 22:42

thaigal - glad to hear you're feeling better - you sound absolutely normal to me - I think you're being hard on yourself.

Thaigal · 13/11/2006 22:46

Thanks for all the kind messages. Things are still going well, the house is a mess again but I've been busy over the weekend so tomorow I'm going to set myself a list of things that need doing again, concentrating on upstairs as it is worse.

We've worked out a little routine too, we get in from school at 3:30 so the kids have until 4:30 to play, then we start homework, tea is at 5:30, bath is at 6:30 and bed time for youngest is 7:30, bed time for eldest is 8:30 I don't think we'll stick to it religiously but it's there as a guide to our day anyway.

OP posts:
jasper · 13/11/2006 23:11

Aw, glad you are feeling a bit better.
You described my life and my messy house. there is one easy thing you can do to make things better.

No more swearing or shouting at the kids

I promise things will improve with just this one thing!

Good luck

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