How to stop caring?

[StrongAsAnOx]

Every time he doesn't get in touch with the children I think the worst - has something happened to him? has he become suicidal? Silly me I know as he is probably just shagging the OW, but I cannot turn off caring about what he might be feeling or doing. Please, no answers about reminding myself that what he has done is the work of a bastard. Nobody is 100% bad.

However, I do need to emotionally break off my brain from him and that is where I am struggling. We were together so very long that it is hard to switch off from him.

Really practical tips needed please.

I assume that he has left, but you don't mention what stage you are with separation. Have filed for or got divorced?

Personally I was able to stop caring after seeing a lawyer and making the decision to divorce him. I had to kill every last bit of feeling I had for him in order to walk into the lawyer's office. It was about taking control I guess. Once you feel in control you will see him for what he is.

Focus on yourself and your dcs. The more emotional energy you put into the people who really matter to you the less you will invest in him.

It's hard, really hard, but one day you'll wake up and finally feel free from him.

I worry like this about my adult kids.

Im trying to imagine what it must be like when you've/been with someone a long time.. But, ultimately he's not your child though, is he? He's an adult who had made adult choices (clearly )

We have been separated for 3 months. I have filed for divorce citing adultery. It didn't harden my heart at all. It has just made me sadder and sadder going through the awful hard nosed process of evaluating our lives in monetary terms. I know he is not my child, but it is so hard to get out of the habit of caring for someone, even if that person has caused awful pain by his behaviour.

I guess I'll just have to keep remembering the little respect or care he has shown me over the last few years. Maybe I need to have an image in my head that will remind me to steel my heart - the trouble is that I don't like those images.