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Original poster

3rd date - opinions please ...

22 replies

quirkycutekitch · 07/05/2015 17:43

So met a bloke online - 1st date was quick meet up coffee type thing, 2nd date a restaurant I suggested.

I've been out of the country for almost 3 weeks got back Monday (we'd stayed in touch daily while I was away) & I said he should choose where we go this time. He made no suggestions at all - so last night I asked where are we going- still no suggestions - so I told him about somewhere recommended by a friend - I ended up looking up his train times for him and ringing to book the restaurant today.

Is this a sign of things to come - or too early to tell?

OP posts:
DorisLessingsCat · 07/05/2015 17:47

It's not a good sign if you are shopping for a life partner. If you are just dating for fun then weigh it up against what he's got going for himself.

Quitelikely · 07/05/2015 17:48

I don't think you should be mothering him at all.

What was his reasoning for not doing it?

Peckhamplex · 07/05/2015 17:50

See how the third date goes, don't accept it for the fourth.

Though, why couldn't he look up the train times himself?

I'm not good at picking places myself so I kind of understand but sharing decision-making is part of being an adult.

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep · 07/05/2015 17:55

I think no good can come of chasing a man. Let him make the effort from now on.

Original poster
quirkycutekitch · 07/05/2015 18:01

Well he said he didn't do it because I was away.

The train times thing was just the way it worked out because I asked him what time I should book it for and he said I'll have to check my train times - I still had them on my phone from the last date so I sent them to him - then he said do you think they are still the same so I looked them up.

I'm not chasing him - we defiantly are going on a date - just nothing had been arranged / booked.

I just would quite like for someone to say - "oh I'd love to take you to this nice restaurant - shall I book it for us?" Smile

OP posts:
TurnipCake · 07/05/2015 18:07

He had no suggestions at all? And you're looking up train times for him?

He sounds like a lazy, boring git

Bahh · 07/05/2015 18:44

It's amusing to me that the onus is automatically on him to organise things because he's a man? It's not like you've gone to great lengths while he cba, it's just worked out that you've sorted it this time. Reserve judgement. Things should be 50/50, maybe it's his turn to woo you next time? Men like to be told "I'd love to take you out, I'll book it" too! It doesn't automatically make him lazy and unromantic.

IfMaybeBut · 07/05/2015 18:53

OP did say she'd suggested he choose which kind of means (to me) that he both chooses and does it himself?
However I'm a bit on the fence with this because I'm pretty laid back and would be happy picking somewhere on the night (I'm rural, so a nice country pub can always accommodate us)

handfulofcottonbuds · 07/05/2015 19:02

He sounds like a lazy, boring git

Could also be said that quirky sounds a little controlling.

Sorry quirky but I would back right off if I felt the pressure like this. Dating this early is meant to be fun, not your turn, my turn.

If you want to see him, suggest something.

Waltermittythesequel · 07/05/2015 19:05

God. You sound er, keen.

Original poster
quirkycutekitch · 07/05/2015 19:10

Urm well I have suggested and booked somewhere - how is asking someone where they want to go on a date controlling?

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 07/05/2015 19:11

It just reads like you hounded him a bit.

differentkindofpenguin · 07/05/2015 19:13

I think as a one off it doesn't mean anything. Don't read too much into it and see how things go!

Also depends on what you are looking for in a person. DH couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery, it's just how he is. I accept it, he has other strengths, and does things for me that I'm useless at. It's a partnership. But it totally depends on how important this quality is to you :)

handfulofcottonbuds · 07/05/2015 19:13

.....and looked up his train times for him.....and wrote a thread on MN about him.....and drip fed......

If you want it to work, don't mother him.

Thetruthshallmakeyefret · 07/05/2015 19:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

handfulofcottonbuds · 07/05/2015 19:16

I'm sorry about the drip fed comment Blush was on another thread

My other comments still stand but, relax OP. No need to look for 'signs' this early on. Just have a nice time.

AdoraBell · 07/05/2015 19:20

Reminds of a bloke who used to work for my DH. Boss goes on business trip, staff takes week off because he shouldn't be expected to work if the boss isn't in the office.

I know it's different OP but this reminds me of that and what stands out for me is that he didn't bother because you weren't there. I may be wrong but let's just say you were living together, would he not eat/wash up/feed the dog if you aren't at home?

By all means go on the date if you want, just don't let it turn into you doing all the thinking.

Original poster
quirkycutekitch · 07/05/2015 19:31

thetruth so you would not go on the date because he didn't suggest anywhere?

That's kind of what I was thinking adora - is everything going to be left to me.

I know it's early days.

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 07/05/2015 19:54

I've just dumped an OLD prospect after 2 months, about 8 dates - including 2 weekends away - largely for this.

He's a nice guy, he'll suit somebody. He actually seemed pretty into me... But, no oooooomph. Everything left to me. I let it go at first because I thought all the "whatever YOU want to do" stuff was because he wanted to be nice, prioritise me - or even was a bit nervous.

It drove me mad, making all the decisions!

I made a conscious effort not to pitch in and organise one evening. I got a text "it seems like you're not keen for this evening, I don't mind if you're busy/tired and want to reschedule?"

I was very explicit explaining that I'd backed off because it was a drain for me to organise everything and I wanted a decision from him. So he decided cinema. Fine. As we came out of the film I said "what shall we do now?" And he said "what do you want to do?"

Angry it sounds so petty but it's very wearing being with someone who won't take the lead.

I'd back off totally and see what happens, but be ready to call it a day.

IfMaybeBut · 08/05/2015 21:42

I loved the fact my last partner was very proactive but he didn't plan ahead. It was mostly spontaneous but then he 'drove' the date/activity etc. He'd suggest holidays and I could just turn up and go!

However I'm very capable and will normally do all that sort of thing. He liked doing it and had more time than me and tbh once I'd accepted he was happy to do it, it was bliss to relinquish responsibility. I could not have a relationship with someone who was incapable of taking charge ....but nor would I have a relationship with someone who was so fixated on details and bookings etc.

CupidStuntSurvivor · 08/05/2015 22:05

I've stopped dating someone over this. First date, arranged by me went very well. 2nd date was more date-ish and also arranged by me. He asked for a 3rd date (we were getting along fairly well) and we decided on a day a week from then. He was to arrange it. We spoke a couple of times in the meantime and he 'was having trouble finding somewhere' (impossible with where we live really) but to leave it with him. Then he asked me the day before if I'd do the arrangements instead. It wasn't equal so I cancelled.

Twinklestein · 08/05/2015 22:11

He sounds like my dad OP. He will be exactly the same when he's 77.

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