Just not sure about this

[RedKite1985]

Hi all. I have been with my DP for 2 years, we are engaged and living together. When I first met her I had never experienced loved like it and I was head over heels.

Things seem to have changed over the last 6-12 months. She doesn't show a caring side very often and a lot of the time I feel that she doesn't love me despite what she says.

I don't know if I am expecting too much, my last partner used to treat me like a queen so maybe my expectations are high.

I do lots for her, little things like walking to the shop (20 minute walk) just to get her chocolate or something nice, whereas the other day I had a really really upset stomach (TMI I know) but she wouldn't even drive to the shop to get toilet paper, who does that?

We hardly ever have sex, she blames her increased weight.

I find she puts family and friends before me, for instance we could have something planned for the evening and be looking forward to it, then her best friend will want to see her and she will ditch me!

Even if I did end things, I don't even know if I could explain why I want to break up, do you understand? Some days I feel completely in love and content, then others I feel down and like I want to leave, something which I know I would probably regret.

I always struggle very hard with break ups so know it would be hell, what am I to do? I can't see me staying in this for the rest of my life. I think I'm a little bored?

Your expectations aren't too high if you want your DP to buy loo roll when you're feeling ill! Honestly, of all the princess-y dramas I've ever read about on here, that doesn't even feature.

FWIW, when my XH was ill I went out and bought him medicine and Lucozade etc and delivered it to him. This is an EX, not even my current DP!

Love is all about the little gestures, whether it's seeing something you know a friend would like (I picked up a box of my friend's favourite choccies the other day because I saw them and thought of her) or picking up some sweets for the kids when you pop out for milk etc. It sounds like your DP is a bit selfish. That's reason enough to end it to me.

That's it, she seems to be missing the little things. I don't know, I wouldn't even say she is selfish, she is very kind but I just don't think she feels as strongly about me as I do/did her? I have been through enough shit relationships to expect and want more.

One morning we argued and I said she never tells me she loves me, she said she shouldn't have to tell me because she shows me, and I thought - really?!

Also, she has started a new job and keeps going on about a guy there and how lovely he is, saying he is her man crush (we are both 100% gay). I said its not nice to say stuff like that to me, and she laughs and says "I'm gay fgs!!".

This is probably irrelevant. She has been cheated on in the past and I don't think she is a cheat, she has good morals

Love is all about the little gestures, whether it's seeing something you know a friend would like (I picked up a box of my friend's favourite choccies the other day because I saw them and thought of her) or picking up some sweets for the kids when you pop out for milk etc.

I don't agree with this at all. That's your interpretation of love AmyElliot ( that it's "all about the little gestures") Have you read or are you aware of the Languages of Love? Sounds like yours is gifts. There are many different ways to express love. Many people would say buying little gesture gifts is trivial; love is about the big things.

However, whichever way you cut it OP, refusing to get toilet paper for someone who is ill is not only not demonstrative of love, it is positively selfish. Frankly, if a bare acquaintance asked me for this, I'd probably do it because bowel trouble is horrific and serious bowel trouble means even leaving the house runs a risk of humiliation.

To answer your question who does that? No one with any kindness or decency.

You can't marry someone who is like that to you when you are ill. How would she treat a child?

Her excuse was she wasn't dressed. She had jeans and a bra and vest top on but unbrished hair. I don't drive so was unable to get it.

She said I had plenty of opportunities to get some but assumed that SHE would buy it

"it" being toilet paper

But it's not about the gift, it's about the thought behind it, it says "I was thinking of you while we were apart". I'm not talking about jewellery or expensive things, that sounds materialistic. Of course I love it when DP brings me flowers, but I appreciate it just as much when it's my favourite chocolate bar. That says "I listen and take note of the things you like, I think of you when I'm in the shop and I want to make you smile". It's 60p, so I don't even consider it a gift, it's a kind thought in physical form!

Fwiw, my xh once said that he didn't think to tell me that he loved me as "it goes without saying" OP, sorry to say, but it does sound like the relationship is just imbalanced and you'd be better off apart.

I think I would also feel bummed out if I were in your position. One of the benefits of being in a relationship is having a partner who recognizes when one needs help and support, both big and small (small being like trips out to get TP, for example). If she won't provide you with support when you are feeling moderately ill, it makes a person wonder how she might behave if things got really difficult, like if you got more seriously ill, or lost a job, or something like that? It seems like you two are really in need of a evaluation of your relationship.

Also, at 2 years you are probably transitioning out of the madly-in-love-phase of your relationship, and that is a fraught time for every couple. Some couples do find that a relationship, even one that has been very passionate, comes to an end at this point. And having sex to the level that meets each partner's needs is very important in a relationship.