Hi to all you good people :-) I have valued reading responses here, very much.
My OH would be a delight to some women. He is sweet, loving, charming at times, intelligent, with a sense of humour, works hard, etc.
He also has obsessive ways, he has an obsessive personality. His former wife (over 20 years) had OCD, His father has OCD. To give you an example, yesterday I cleaned the house, worked hard. There is a sponge on the bath, used for cleaning. I did not remove it when I cleaned the bath and I used bleach to help get rid of damp patches. When he came home from work, his first words were; "I can smell bleach. Did you clean the bathroom? Did you remove the sponge?" No, I didn't. Apparently I was careless for not doing so, because it meant he had to buy a new sponge now! (which you can get for a quid but it meant he had to put the effort in in getting one). This illustrated to me how his brain works, what is important to him.
He has routines and ways that he has created to make his life easier and stress free. But to someone living with him, they can be at best just irritating and at worst, time consuming and restrictive. He has to do ironing, he has to fold his clothes in a certain way, he still lies on the bed to put his hair into a ponytail and he has routines that he follows every day before he leaves. The list, if I created it, would depress me. I have tried to talk to him about it, but he will never change. He never realised, till I came along, that anything was amiss. His brain is wired this way and he doesn't wish to change, he can't see the problems. He wakes me at half five every morning to go to work (this still is a problem) and he snores. He hoards things, he is quite miserly with money. I realise he has OCPD. He stares at women too, it is as if he can't help himself. He says he doesn't even realise he does it. Maybe he doesn't. But I find it disrespectful, and of course, I have told him, but it continues.
My health isn't exactly the best, I suffer from anxiety, am going through the menopause.
This weekend we are going to a music gig that lasts ten hours a day over both days! We can't go later because he said we won't get a parking space. So that is that.
But the real problem has to be me. He won't change, so I need to. I don't have much of a life, it revolves uselessly around his really. I suffer from mild agoraphobia but I want to get out there and lead a better life. And I try to do this every day.
I am hoping to do a masters degree in September but I can't afford to do this and leave him, for example, and rent a place of my own. I feel trapped.
He can be so lovely, the best man I have ever met (and I have known and been out with many). Yet these problems exist.
Anyone with a positive spin on this please?