I just wanted to thank the person on inmyshoos thread, re the aspartame issue, who pointed out that it was actually about FIL wanting control, and it has given me a lightbulb moment about my own ILs... Sorry I cant remember who it was!
We are fairly LC with the ILs; they speak on the phone to DH once a week (conversation all about trips they have been on and how his business is going and how his sister - golden child - and her kids - golden GC - are; very rarely any conversation about our DDs). I guess we see them about 3-4 times a year even though they only live an hour away.
DD1 is a particularly fussy eater, with a very limited range, has been since birth and is now 18. ILs are serious foodies and they constantly try and make her try food when we see them. Not just a 'would you like some...?' but a full on 'go on, go on, you'd really like it, you don't know what you're missing, oh you are a funny one' etc etc ad bloody infinitum. They dropped their behaviour a bit when I pointed out very firmly that she didnt have to try anything she didnt want to, but it's still there.
I know it's no biggie in the scheme of things, but there have been other issues over the years, and I had never previously thought of them as controlling. Like a lot of other people with IL or DParent issues, the outside world sees them as lovely people, pillars of the community etc.
Food for thought for me.