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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Sometimes I wish DH would FUFF OFF

47 replies

Radley · 07/11/2006 17:07

Not gonna bother with the name change.

Yesterday he watched me fettle the living room and kitchen and sat playing games on the commie all day even though I was glaring through him and saying I was fed up of doing everything.

earlier, DD1 was being gobby, I shouted her to stop, she wouldn't so he punched her on the head (not reeeeeeallllll hard) but enough to make her cry. he has been in a mood all day cos he is on nights tonight. He had his tea and knew I was busy, instead of bringing it in the kitchen, he gave it to the kids for me to put it in the dishwasher, he has done NOTHING for the last few days except
sit on his ring piece, On Sunday he was soooooooooooooo hungover he stopped in bed till 1pm, whereas I was left to get the kids up and sorted (even though I had a hangover) he pissed the bed AGAIN and i had to wash his wet bedding and then he went back out for a few more pints leaving me to make the bed

Sometimes I wish he would just fuff off.

OP posts:

Carmenere · 07/11/2006 18:52

Why Radley? Why have you let him treat you like this? How is being tired a sufficient excuse for pissing the bed. My dp often works 90 hours a week and he is often too tired to chat but never too tired to make it to the toilet.
TBH if he is regularly drinking enough to wet the bed then there is probably an underlying alcohol problem

Original poster

Radley · 07/11/2006 18:55

He doesn't do it all the time when he is drunk, but that is always his staple excuse, 'he was tired'.

If I told all his friends etc it would cause a huge row, but, he laughs about it with his mates.

If I did that I would be mortified, but sometimes I don't even get an apology.

OP posts:

LoveMyGirls · 07/11/2006 18:55

you can make him leave if you want to. while he is at the pub take his stuff to his parents house tell them about what hes like and change the locks file for divorce, get an injunction.

do you love him?
do you want to stay with him regardless, what if he behaviour gets worse?
how old are your kids?
does it matter how hard he punched your child? he punched her end of!
tell him if he wants to act like a child he can go bk to his mummy, if shes stupid enough to have bought him up to have everything done for him until he was 35 she wont mind having him back and him pissing in one of their beds.

my god im fuming on your behalf.

WinkyWinkola · 07/11/2006 19:04

Sorry but I'm fuming that he punched your child and you're not leaving! Whaaaaaaaat? Protect your children from more violence. Does he hit you too or only little people? What a hero.

As for pissing the bed - what a loser! Isn't he ashamed? He's a grown man. He pisses the bed?!?!? And he thinks it's funny? Does he think hitting children is funny too?

Try www.womensaid.org.uk for help on leaving with no money. You are worth a lot more than this creep. So are your kids.

shhhh · 07/11/2006 21:30

Sorry but if my dh pissed the bed the relationship would HAVE to end.Its acceptable for a child but not a grown man.. Easy to say as I'm not in that situation but he's taking advantage imo.

Kick his arse into touch. Good luck.x

arfishymeau · 07/11/2006 22:37

Radley, this is really awful. Really, really awful. I would think seriously about getting out of this relationship.

What is he actually contributing to you and your family?

He's hit your DD and pisses in your bed regularly.

Why are you putting up with it? Is it just because of what he contributes financially?

I think it's easy to not see how bad something is from the inside. I'm just really at how bad his behaviour is and that you're tolerating it.

I don't really like to be one of the baying 'leave him' brigade, but from what you've said about him it doesn't sound like he'll change. Do you think you can change him?

I think you really should think about asking him to leave. If it's finances that keep you two together, then you can get plenty of advice here on what to do. Think about it for the sakes of your DC as well. I hate to think of your dd being punched, I really do.

Judy1234 · 07/11/2006 22:44

How awful.

Some adults are incontinent. It is not their fault and shouldn't be shamed or blamed but they should clean it up of course. He should get to the doctor to see what can be done about it.

As for the rest I wouldn't accept that level of unfairness in a relationship.

kama · 07/11/2006 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

zookeeper · 08/11/2006 21:54

Radley, this sounds awful - go to a solicitor - there are loads who offer hald an hour free legal advice and from what you say you may well qualify for legal aid. I think that you have the grounds to apply to the court for an occupation order, which is an order requiring him to leave and stay away. More often than not the threat of making an application for the order is enough to make him leave. Stay in your home and get him out - you don't have to put up with that.
Hope it works out for you.

WinkyWinkola · 08/11/2006 22:04

Hope you and yours are ok, Radley. You've not been back...............Take care.

theUrbanDryad · 09/11/2006 14:31

bump??

WinkyWinkola · 09/11/2006 18:54

What does 'bump' mean?

moondog · 09/11/2006 19:00

Winky,it is a way to get the thread inot active conversations again.

PyroPaps · 09/11/2006 19:14

So you have this dude around for his money obvious not his charisma! Do you really think he will ever change or improve permanently?

TEll him to fuff off

Original poster

Radley · 10/11/2006 08:57

At the minute my head is a mess, I am looking into places where the children and I could go where I KNOW he couldn't find us.

OP posts:

vitomum · 10/11/2006 09:09

very sorry that you are going through this radley . Why do you not want him to find you? are you scared of him?

JennyLeevesmilkandcookiesforSa · 10/11/2006 10:10

Radley , I live in homeless accomodation fro different reasons with my dh and son. But I can tell you that in my area anyway homeless accomodation comes with bedding and pots an dpans and cutlery, furniture such as wardrobes ,beds sofa set, dinner table etc and the homeless officer would not take a penny from me untill we got our housing benefit sorted after many weeks. the sign up interview they give you all the advice on any benefits you might be entitled too and even help you with forms if you need. then you are fast tracked through the housing list for a permanent house, we are still here after 5 months but we know when we get rehoused it will be permanent. So you don't need somewhere to go and you rfamily's help you need to call your local housing office and tell them your situation and they will probably deal with it as an abusive situation and you can be out within a few days set up in a tempoary place. there are times in the past if I had known this I might have left bad situations but it is a fear of the unknown

JennyLeevesmilkandcookiesforSa · 10/11/2006 10:11

or if you but you local region area we could do a serach for helplines for you

JennyLeevesmilkandcookiesforSa · 10/11/2006 10:11

if you post your general area I meant

WinkyWinkola · 10/11/2006 19:12

So I take it you can't talk to him and tell him that you want out? And no way that you can tell him to leave? Lovemygirls suggested an injunction? Maybe the Citizens Advice Bureau could help?

I'm not sure of what you can do myself but want to wish you the best of luck and hope that it all works out for you.

Keep us posted.

mummymic · 10/11/2006 19:29

hey radley - my x used to piss the bed as well - he used to say he was 'sweating' like i dont know the difference in smell?? i found out after that he had been secret drinking and he used to do it with his ex when he had had a drink - i kicked him out - i was 3 months pregnant with baby 3 - best decision i ever made (there were more reasons than just pissing the bed) i was terrified that i wouldnt manage financially - fortunately it was my house and we werent married - but i have - and now baby 3 is 6months old and i am sooooooooooo glad i booted the twit out - wishing you luck in whatever decision you make xxxxxx

Carmenere · 10/11/2006 19:30

Radley, I am thinking of you Do you have any friends or family that will be supportive of you?

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