I don't like who I am anymore

[mrsmeerkat]

It's impacting my marriage. Married five years didn't live together before that. I am bored and lonely.

My mother is a bit hard to deal with and demanding and critical. Since I had dc (two under year and as half) one of my best friends doesn't bother with me. Another was a bit of a drain/ moaner type so I distance myself. She would tell everyone i was doing weight watchers and bo ss me about.

I had a good relationship with mil but she now moans all the time. Guilt trips if I don't visit. If I don't visit my mother she pretends to have been really ill and cries.

So I am juggling them all. I don't want to have sex with dh because its the same old routine and lights off and usually after midnight after a day with two babies demanding me all day.

So everyone is irritating me. Mil failed to tell me that the hospital called her to get dc checked out for e coli last Friday. I ended up blurting out to her that getting married and having dc is shut. Life is shit and I won't be visiting. I am no answering the phone to until I chill a bit. Dh has to run errands a lot for them and I know he would prefer to be in his home place a lot more.

I just used to be so happy. Travelled on my own. Worked abroad. Lots of fun and parties etc.

I don think I am depressed just the reality of life. I felt the same when I let uni fifteenyears ago.

I am being snappy with dh. Craving to go out in the evening on my own. Went to the cinema last night alone. Am I a loser. Maybe I am selfish and can't tolerate people anymore.

I asked dh am I hard to live with and he said not at all.. it wasn't convincing. How do I change or when I return to work it might be better

Well, you're not a loser to go to the cinema alone anyway! It's the best kept secret imo.

Clearly, you're going up the wall with boredom, frustration, lack of fulfillment...

When do you start work? Can you bring the date forward? (Do you have a job to go to that you're excited about?) My guess is you'll be a different woman once you get your teeth into the world of paid work.

I go to the cinema on my own. Am I a loser? Well, I don't think so, but then I'm biased.

Is spending so much time every day with the babies driving you nuts? It's nothing to be ashamed of. Staying at home is definitely not for everyone (it wasn't for me.)

Did these feelings of boredom and annoyance only start once you had DCs, or has it been building over the marriage?

Going back to work will probably help enormously. I felt rather lost, bored and quite destructive to everything when I was not working and my children were tiny, I have really enjoyed carrying on my career. You sound like you have gone in on yourself a bit due to being at home, the four walls do close in for some people and I think you just have to recognize that this might be you. I get irritable and narrow in focus if I stay home for too long.

Go back to work, the children will get older and more independent (and you may even miss that), you can then spend more time with your husband. Your IL's are the price you pay for being married! I would also start doing more things in your leisure time, visit an old friend, go to the cinema, whatever you love to do. Support your husband to do the same. It will get you back in touch with who you used to be, that person is still there, just having a temporary respite!

Your intellectual stimulation now seems to be 2 under 18 months and a couple of wingey much older ladies.

No wonder you are bored.

An honest discussion with DH is required. You dont' want sex as you constantly give love and attention to the DCs, how can you just switch that off and change that to sexual desire for your DH, not possible.

YOu need to get out and meet some others your age. Any classes or meetup groups would be a start.

Thanks so much for listening to me. I have never been this bored and you're totally right. Live the baby company but the moaning older mother and mil are driving me over the edge

I love my job. Senior role. Studied hard up until I had dc.

I have good friends at work and I do miss them. We know each other years. I think when the weather improves I will get out more. Have met nice people at baby groups.

I am exhausted though.

In my case the exhaustion was due to constant giving (even if you don't dislike the giving) but not getting any immediate reward, so you and your life sort of disappear into a hole.

I think it's why, for example, carers of elderly parents can end up having break downs. The constant drain on your emotions, without recognition, wears you down.
Struggling to explain this, hope it makes sense.
The answer is to ensure you have some time to yourself, solely to do what you want, not what someone else needs.