Finding love again as a single parent..

[choccycornflakecakes]

Ok so life is good, two beautiful DC at School and pre-school. Nice friends etc

But I would love to meet someone, or at least I'm open to possibilities! I've listened to and read about many positive experiences and from that have gleaned that being a single parent won't put off the right person; these days is pretty common.
I'm definitely not looking for a daddy for the DC or someone to fulfil some pre-defined role in the family; we're a happy little bunch and DC already have a dad. He may have been an abusive a*hole to me, but the saving grace is that he is good with them and I've not seen any evidence of that in his behaviour to them.
So, Freedom Programme completed, many (actually enjoyable) evenings indulging in Netflix in my PJs and a good amount of time taken out to focus on myself and DC and erm..I don't know..I feel more ready to date?! or at least go out for dinner and have some adult chat and maybe experience those fluttery feelings again..

I'm not bad looking and make an effort, but dating websites don't seem to work for me! Maybe speed dating?
I would LOVE to hear some more positive stories of possibly how people didn't expect to meet someone when you already have children.

Thanks
xl

I'm definatly Not looking for a daddy for the DC. Yes, we get that bit, yoiu read this all to often.

As it happens single parent or not makes no difference to me.

Good luck

dating websites don't seem to work for me

Which ones have you tried, and what was your experience?

Interesting to know albal, that it makes no difference that is. And thanks for the luck.

eharmony and guardian soulmates pocketsaviour, I don't know, I get a few messages and 'likes' but it's a lot of work and very time consuming. I suppose I'd like to meet someone a bit more organically. Doesn't really happen through work, so I've been avidly watching the other thread on here about where to meet (nice) men in the 30s and 40s, have got a few ideas from that.

Thanks for your replies, hoping to hear some postiive experiences too! I think that's what I'm getting at..I'm not sure I believe it's going to happen even if I put myself out there (that's why the stories'll help ) thanks

Its very hard. Having kids adds about 10 years to your 'effective dating' age.

Once you get to your 30s, you'll find that most single, childless people in their mid-30s+ are single and childless for a good reason.

The most successful post-kids relationship I know of involves a couple who both have kids from previous relationships, meet up at weekends and maintain separate homes. It works as they both maintain their own homes, have time to spend with kids and then have the weekends for days out and eating out.

I've met a single parent with 2 children similar age to mine on ok cupid. So far so good. I had a profile up but didn't really contact anyone on there and kept my options open in real life too (not that there were any real life options! )
There is no harm in doing both. I certainly wouldn't rule out online just run it in the background of your fab new life!

Sorry my post is confusing. What I meant was I didn't actively trawl through profiles on the Internet. If someone messaged be I'd reply even if it was a polite thanks but no thanks. The guy I am dating now sent me a funny and well thought out message so I got chatting and insisted on a quick meeting!

It is hard here, definitely a far different dynamic and response from when I used OD pre-DC. I do think that would be a better fit for us though (dating someone who already has DC), then at least they'd understand and my lack of free time wouldn't be a problem.

Good for you Ouch sounds fab. Think I'll keep on with OD and keep RL options open...though I'm a useless flirt or at least useless letting anyone know I'm interested! hence why I worry I might be single forever..strangely I met someone today in passing in RL who I found very attractive; doesn't happen often. How on earth do you attempt to do anything about it? or should you even?!?! Oh my life! I'm terrible at this

I am currently in a relationship I consider to be the best I've ever had. We're completely compatible sexually, emotionally, psychologically and we want the same things in life. I had no idea this would ever happen to me. I left a physically and emotionally abusive relationship with 3DC under 5, work 30 hours a week, have no family up here and have no spare time whatsoever!
My partner has 2DC from a previous relationship, which I think helps but also he's really supportive and patient, which means he's put up with my ex messing me around re: contact and a whole bunch of other things.
Here's the other thing: we met on plenty of fish. It's generally an awful site full of weirdos and sex pests but we somehow found each other!
My profile was quite, erm, to the point which I think he appreciated.

Stay away from Eharmony - it takes too much time and I found that the guys on there were only after one thing but we're less honest about it than those on POF.
Match.com was full of drips so I went for the numbers game.
If I can meet someone, anyone can!

I second surfboredcat POF is the best site ive used. Lots of chancers but a few nice guys you just have to be selective

Thanks both; it's great to hear your experience Surf , fanatstic meeting someone you're so compatible with. You give me hope! He sounds lovely and supportive.

Must admit I've heard not so good things about POF but sounds like you and pinklady think very much to the contrary, so really, I should give it a go
Funny what you said about eHarmony - the one guy I did meet on there turned out to be nice but a bit of a sleaze, not what I expected at all!

You sound exactly like where I was 2 years ago. I also couldn't face online dating and wanted to meet someone organically but pretty impossible with two young kids and no decent prospects at my workplace!

Friends convinced me to try Match - I was apprehensive at first but got into it pretty quickly! I think you have to be pretty active at it - make the first move and 'wink' at profiles you like the look of so you have more control over who you're chatting with. Ended up dating the first guy I met for about 6 months - I realised he wasn't for me and called it off as I didn't want to waste my time - I call this my transition relationship - had a great time and got over the nerves of sleeping with someone new after 12 years!

The transition relationship made me realise I was now ready for a proper relationship - put my profile back on match and want on a couple more dates. The third guy I met is now my fiance. He has no kids. I assumed I would end up getting together with someone who had kids already as why would someone want to take on that responsibility when there are so many gorgeous, single women out there with far less baggage! But he has - and he loves my boys and our little family unit. My boys are so lucky as they see their dad often and now have another great role model in their lives to guide, support and love them. His family are also wonderful and have embraced me and my children.

It can happen - you just have to put yourself out there. Make the first move - get out on dates and go with the intention of having a fun night out with someone new - not to necessarily meet the man of your dreams - and if and when it happens, you'll know :)

Thanks for your post isla the whole idea of a 'transition relationship' makes perfect sense to me; even if I do date someone new, it's not the end of the world if it doesn't work out..it's still good experience!
And congratulations! your fiance sounds wonderful, and that's exactly the kind of experience I was hoping to hear about!
I do need to be more pro-active and have some faith and also not worry about any potential knock backs. I'll get there. Maybe I'll give Match a go. I do like the idea that when it happens you know
x

This may be way too soon but there are people out there who are honest, decent, caring and don't cheat.
Apply within.

To be honest, I thought dating sites didn’t work for me as well and then I met the current girlfriend and apparently they do. We clicked instantly and her positive attitude is a huge contrast to my ex wife’s negative attitude. We clicked instantly and it surprised me that there was someone for me after about a year of looking.

I met my DP on POF too. He was also on Match but I was too cheap to pay the subscription to be able to message people on match, so I just did POF!

Most of the men I saw on Match were also on POF too, so it's not like they're different people, there are just more of the crap ones to sift through to find the good ones.

Our set up is much like the one that hereandtherex describes. Separate homes, time with our own DCs and time together. It works really well.

Relationships post-divorce are very different and I'm not sure I could ever have had a relationship with someone who didn't have their own DCs, but it does bring its own complications.

However, I knew I didn't want to spend the next few years on my own, having the emotional support and love of a partner is very important to me and it was never an option to live without that! Luckily it didn't take much searching to find someone wonderful.

I've met a lovely bloke on POF and things are going great so far. For me, having a young DD was only ever a positive thing. All the men I spoke to were keen to ask about her and to tell me about their children do it was a bit of a conversation opener.

My new bloke is totally relaxed about my DD, loves children but just doesn't want his own. It's a bit more difficult to arrange dates etc when you have dc's but if you're both keen on each other, you'll find a way. Just try it - it's fun but at the end of the day you never know if there's chemistry until you meet.

I feel really inspired! thank you all. Love the positive stories

Interesting to read how you all found OD (and how well it ended up!). That strikes a chord with me Gardav as my XP was very negative (and abusive but that's a different story..hey ho!)..and it sort of clouds your thinking so you expect others to be that negative IYSWIM. Must be very refreshing.
AmyElliot and Badcat - thanks, looks like it can work very well with partners with or without their own DC, it depends on them really..which is probably a very obvious thing to sumise, but it means its worth me keeping my options open and not assuming someone who already has DC is necessarily going to be a better fit.
I'm sure there are peanut hunter!! and not too soon!!