My dp was absent for many years of his son's upbringing due to his own problems but for the last 10 years has been present and involved in the lives of all his children. His eldest son (lets call him Peter) is 26 years old and lives with his father, his grandmother (80 suffering from early dementia) and his half sister (19).
In the two years I have been with my partner (I live in my own house and my dp stays with me much of the time) the family have been through hard times with the death by suicide of dp's other daughter (23) (sister of Peter) a year ago leaving two dgcs with no mother. Peter refused to attend the funeral.
DPs son is bullying his grandmother and father and anyone who comes into contact with him. For years he did not work, he stayed in his room playing computer games and drawing dole and when that stopped because he was forced into a work or no dole scheme he suddenly got a job- working nights in a warehouse 24 miles away for which he demands lifts (his f has no car, he borrows mine).
He comes in from work and goes to bed and when he gets up he wanders around the house declaring it to be filthy and disgusting, he does no cleaning or tidying and finds excuses not to pay his dad the £20 per week he asks for towards bills. He swears at his father and calls him a freak and demands that his dad goes out to buy food or cigarettes for him and his father goes and shops for him. Peter will not go to shops or on buses or leave the house except for work. He wont have a bank account because he lost his passport and wont pay for a new one so he uses an account of his father's. He refuses to come down for meals insisting that they are brought to him in his room and rarely sees anyone outside but sometimes will go out with friends and when he does he gets so drunk that he ends up in fights and with losses of memory.
The family are at a loss to know what to do. Peter will not talk about anything so suggesting to sit and discuss anything will result in a rant, swearing and him retreating to his room. His dad is scared that he will also kill himself if he tries any kind of tough love. I keep my mouth shut but I can see how unpleasant it all is and when my partner and I discuss it we are at a loss to know what to do.
I think there is a personality disorder present in the son but how does this type of thing get diagnosed or helped if the person with the problem does not think they have a problem and everyone is so scared of him that they continue to allow him to rule the household. How can mental health services be sorted for someone in a situation like this? I am not sure if this should be in mental health or here but I know its affecting my relationship with dp who is struggling with what to do for his mother and daughter as well as his son.