AIBU to be feeling so unhappy with my life when people think I should be so happy?
I'm 31 weeks pregnant and also have a ds who is 2. I love my ds more than I could ever say but ds and the new baby are the only things that make me happy these days.
Ive just been feeling so incredibly tired and unhappy these last few months and it's built up to a point where I just want to just go away with my ds. It seems I'm most unhappy with my dh, his dog and money worries.
Since my military dh got back from Afghan a few years ago I've noticed a change in him. Constantly in a bad mood, over reacting to every little thing, shouting, name calling towards me (yesterday I was a fucking cunt) etc but it's took a few years to get to a point where I just can't live with him anymore. I feel like I hate him.
I got pregnant as soon as he returned from being away. We both had the same jobs but jointly decided I should leave to bring up ds. I now feel trapped and dependant on dh for money which during arguments, he never fails to remind me that it's 'his money' that he earns. He's even taken to saying the car we jointly paid for is his.
We are going through a period of money troubles at the moment. My 31 week pregnant body needs bigger bras and I've outgrown my maternity jeans but I am scrimping and holding out to put food on the table and treat my ds but dh is still happy to buy cigarettes and alcohol when he sees friends. He's just gone away for his job for a week and spent £100 on alcohol and 2 meals out.
Dh also owns a dog who he got early in the relationship. I was fine with the dog but ever since ds was born I have hated him (IABU I know). I can't stand the fur he moults which inevitably ends up in our food, my ds mouth etc. My dh doesn't walk him everyday, doesn't pick up his poo everyday, shouts at the dog, barely strokes him. My husband regularly goes away so it's me left looking after him. Even when dh is here, its me mopping and hovering. I just can't stand the dog and the dirt which I'm fed up of cleaning up after when it's not my dog!
I feel I've given up everything and never even got the smallest of thanks. My job, pension, a good salary, ability to travel the world for my job, my friends etc. My dh has it all now while I sit inside my house and go as far as baby groups.
It may not seem much to be unhappy about and i think maybe prenatal depression may be creeping in but every day, I just dream about packing a bag and finding somewhere to rent and knowing it will be easier just me and my two kids. No dh and no dog.