I don't like myself.

[EaglesAndSealPups]

I didn't really know where to post this but I suppose relationships is as good as any place.

I don't like myself. I don't think I ever have.

I am not suffering from depression, I have in the past but have been fine for over 10 years now. I just don't like myself.

Most days I don't give it a second thought. I am busy with work and 'keeping house' but when it all boils down to it I am not really happy.

I don't know If this is really common ? Is it ok to feel this way? Can I ever feel differently? Can I change who I am?

My husband loves me but don't feel the love from family or friends which confirms my theory that I'm not a nice person.

Thank you for reading.

I can identify with this.

My first thought was what was your relationship like with your parents?

What don't you like about yourself? Why do you think you're not a nice person?

I think you need to first establish why you don't like yourself and then work on your self-esteem. Have you considered counselling?

Hi Deck, thanks for replying. My relationship with my parents was very positive growing up. Sadly a family bereavement had a big impact on my family when I was 11. Things changed from then on and puberty didn't help either. I found it difficult to form a 'new' or changed relationship with my parents post puberty. For various reasons including very low self esteem and negative body image.

I suffered from anorexia for a few years and since then have always had a bit of an issue with my physical body being repulsive and disgusting. I have found this to have a huge impact on my relationships with friends and family as I struggle to be physically close to people for fear of them finding me disgusting.

My relationship with my parents now isn't great. I feel like they judge me greatly on my physical appearance (mostly weight related, I'm over weight).

Thank you for reading. It's helping to talk.

It's not just physically that I don't like myself though. I don't like who I am. I am not intelligent or articulate in RL and I regularly make an arse of myself in conversations. I find social situations stressful because I worry that again people will be repulsed by me.

I worry so much that I will get in the way or out stay my welcome or just be that person that everyone wishes would just go away.

I had quite a bad experience when I was 18 in which I was invited to a party by a friend but then told to leave by the host as I wasn't invited. Cue mortifying embarrassment in front of all my peers as I left.

This experience has embedded this idea that I'm unlikeable.

It sounds as if a lot happened all at once when you hit puberty and you needed support, but other stuff was going on.

Have you ever talked to your parents about how you feel?

No I haven't. Pride stopped me from talking about things at the time and now I'm very much seen as 'The capable one' in my family. Im not even sure to what extent they know I suffered with anorexia and depression. I am told I come across as quite capable, competent and confident so I think I project that image quite well. I also feel the need to prove that I am more than just a dissapointment and therefore fear opening up and admitting weakness or neediness.

I really don't think I could talk to them now, I don't even know where I'd begin or what I'd even want in response from them.

I think this is quite common, OP.

I suspect that the answer partly lies in adopting new habits of thought: stopping the usual destructive ones in their tracks, and replacing them with others, until that becomes the new ingrained habit.

Hey OP Someone on a recent discussion here said something that's really stuck with me, which is that self esteem is not a fixed thing. Sometimes you have to work at it more than others, and all kinds of things can set you back trauma, unemployment, a breakup, or things people don't necessarily think of such as a significant illness or chronic pain -- the list is pretty extensive. It sounds to me as though growing up you had a series of events that added up to trauma. (Trauma is not always caused by a single event.) Did you have therapy at all when you had an ED?

I'm sure you're very likable. You're listening to negative self-talk. It's a really common thing but for some of us it becomes overwhelming. You can re-train yourself to block it out. I'm posting this in hopes it might help. www.rookiemag.com/2013/05/literally-the-best-thing-ever-daily-affirmations/

something I did a 'three nice things' list for several weeks when I was very down a few years ago and it definitely helped.

OP turning round your 'thinking habits' is no mean feat. It takes practice.

Could you start off with small steps, doing little things that make you feel like the nice person you are? You could start here by posting encouraging things in other threads!

Thank you all for your support and ideas. I will have a think about them and see if I can make steps to changing my negative thought patterns.

I really do thank you for being a listening ear