Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Good guy V Bad guy

23 replies

Pinklaydee1302 · 04/05/2015 18:52

Well don't most of us women like a bad guy....but do we end up changing them into a good guy? Or does the good guy usually win the race?? (Being marriage/long term commitment)

After meeting lots of bad boys OLD I've finally found a nice guy but am wondering if he'll have what it takes to keep me happy long term.

Thoughts anyone?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 04/05/2015 18:54

I don't like "bad guys" I think they are twats

I feel sorry for women who only go for bad guys, they will get fucked over again and again.

Women who think they can change, train and otherwise overhaul a bloke's basic personality are deluded

PeppermintCrayon · 04/05/2015 18:57

I don't understand your post. I don't like bad guys and don't know anyone who would deliberately seek one out. I think you should stop trying to convince yourself that everyone feels like this.

Are you saying you're addicted to dysfunction?

Original poster
Pinklaydee1302 · 04/05/2015 18:58

I think at 43 AF ive finally learnt to appreciate a genuinely good guy n feel so much calmer within Smile

OP posts:
NotReallyAPrincess · 04/05/2015 18:58

Good guys are, well, good.

Bad guys are idiots.

I know what I would pick...

Original poster
Pinklaydee1302 · 04/05/2015 19:00

No we don't seek them out purposely peppermint but seem to attract them somehow or believe their lies or attempts of being a good guy

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 04/05/2015 19:00

Hallelujah !

It would be best if you didn't pretty much think was ok for guys to be "bad" though, and that it was up to women to train them out of it

MadeMan · 04/05/2015 19:03

"Well don't most of us women like a bad guy....but do we end up changing them into a good guy?"

How about changing a good guy into a bad guy?

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 04/05/2015 19:06

Depends what you're defining as "bad guy". Dh rode a motorbike, was in a band etc. but not a bad bone in his body.

Xh was a geek. Nasty through and though.

So for me good guys treat you with respect and as an equal.

Bad guys are selfish and don't actually care about you.

Give me the good guy every time.

Original poster
Pinklaydee1302 · 04/05/2015 19:08

Well they do mademan, they have affairs !

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinklaydee1302 · 04/05/2015 19:10

It's the real them, underneath the facade of being the good guy I mean...we do fall for that type though some of us

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 04/05/2015 19:12

It is down to you to keep you happy, you cannot ask or even expect another person to be responsible for your long term happiness.

The man in your relationship is not and never has been your project or fixer upper to somehow make your own improvements too. If you treat him as a project then you need to ask yourself why you are doing that. A person also cannot act as either a rescuer and or saviour in a relationship and if you do, you need to ask yourself why that is and where that mindset started.

I was wondering what you learnt about relationships when growing up, what sort of example did your parents set you?.

People are not puzzles to be figured out and re bad boys such types too hate women, all of them.

I can only speak for my own self but without exception all the girls in my school who dated such troubled boys had poor self worth (tough on the outside but inside emotionally vulnerable) made in part by their father who had walked out on their mother some years before.

hereandtherex · 04/05/2015 19:38

Thankfully only a few women fall for 'bad guys'.

All the 'bad boy fanciers' I've known have had one foot in the looney bin door.

I think you need to work on your own self worth. It will help having financial independence. I have some magic beans I can sell you . . .

pocketsaviour · 04/05/2015 19:43

Don't mistake someone you find boring with a "good guy".

He might well be a "good guy"; it doesn't mean you're obliged to fall into a relationship with him if you don't fancy him.

If you have a history of being attracted to "bad guys" because you like the drama or don't think you deserve better - well it sounds from your former post that this might have been the case, but you're changing things, so well done :)

Original poster
Pinklaydee1302 · 04/05/2015 20:00

Yes Attila my dad walked out when I was 4 and let me down various times over the years and yes that's why I think most men are bad. My mum took my dad back when I was12 n then he left us again 7 months later n my mum was pregnant Hmm

OP posts:
MadeMan · 04/05/2015 20:01

This song and video explain the whole bad boy thing clearly and are very helpful.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 04/05/2015 20:03

I was expecting you to be about 23 not 43.

Original poster
Pinklaydee1302 · 04/05/2015 20:03

Pocket the guy ive met just seems decent and has respect for me it's early days but I have done a lot of analysing myself as opposed to relationships just lately n mayb that's why I appreciate this nice man that's come into my life. He not boring, he makes me laugh....I just feel wanted and its a good feeling Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinklaydee1302 · 04/05/2015 20:04

Pocket the guy ive met just seems decent and has respect for me it's early days but I have done a lot of analysing myself as opposed to relationships just lately n mayb that's why I appreciate this nice man that's come into my life. He not boring, he makes me laugh....I just feel wanted and its a good feeling Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinklaydee1302 · 04/05/2015 20:05

See mademan even pop stars fall for that type ??

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinklaydee1302 · 04/05/2015 20:09

Clearly haven't learnt a right lot in 20 years Armani Hmm

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 04/05/2015 20:11

Am sorry to read that Pinklaydee re your dad and his repeated abandonment of you. The same scenario happened to the girls I wrote of as well in my post. Its no coincidence they went for "bad boys"; they were trying to heal the hurts of their past, also they did not really like or love their own selves.

The website Baggage Reclaim has a good section on such an issue and it is worth reading:-

www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/when-youre-afraid-of-abandonment-but-you-also-choose-people-that-are-likely-not-to-stay/

I wish you all the best for the future

Joysmum · 04/05/2015 20:28

I put those that go for the dodgy types as rescuers, who feel they can make someone see the error of their ways and improve themselves.

There are plenty of rescuers about who think the man simply hasn't found the right person yet and all will be well because they are the right person.

Original poster
Pinklaydee1302 · 04/05/2015 20:52

Thanks Attila I'll read that, I do read Baggage Reclaim frequently Hmm

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page