Jealous of SIL

[cookiemonster100]

Background: DH & I as well as his brother & wife all work & have young children.
If I ever want to do a social activity, work late, go out with DH, I have to think about childcare. If we ever go out with other families me & DH organise the kids in the sense of feeding/ high chairs etc.

My SIL seems to have it bloody easy! She goes out doing her sporty hobby 4 nights a week & has a night out once a week. She doesn't think about childcare. If her hubby isn't in they leave the kids with my PIL. If she is ill, she leaves the kids with PIL. Even if she has a cold. If they have had a broken nights sleep (as you do with small people), she ropes in PIL to look after the kids the next night coz she is too tired. My PIL are complaining they are palming the kids onto them too much but they are too chicken to say no.

I am jealous, coz I feel I spend my life thinking of the others in my home before myself. A day / night out is rare due to no childcare & hubby working shifts. There is no one picking up my slack if I am ill. Even the basics, my mornings are always rushed trying to get kids & me fed & ready & dropped at the relevant childcare / school. She drops them to my PIL who get them fed, dressed & dropped to relevant place. They also pick them up, give them dinner, bathed & ready for bed. No running out the door / missing work drinks for her as somebody else will do it for her.

I noticed it recently how when we all went out for lunch, it was me & hubby sorting the kids lunch out while her & DH were sat at the other end of the table. Even though I made a comment & she came over & sorted out the kids lunch, deep down I was jealous as it would never entered my head to do that. I would organise the kids first, not just dump them on someone else.

We are all going away to see a show over the summer with the kids. We have just found out PIL are coming in their place so SIL & BIL can have a day off to themselves.

I do feel they can't be bothered to raise their kids but that's another thread.

This has come about as they are over Facebook posting pictures of yet another weekend, the 2 of them. While I have been home with my kids (one being a teething toddler), feel ill myself & hubby has had to work. It's been tough this weekend, but I get that with a young family.

Don't feel jealous - you are the one that will reap the rewards of having a strong relationship with your children. That is worth more than anything.

Well, at least you won't feel guilty when PIL are old and frail and you tell them no, they can't move in with you.

It's PIL's decision to be doormats, not your problem.

Can you find a nice babysitter/ occasional childminder near you.

I know strong, & I don't even want to be her. I am just surprised how we entered this parenting lark & she hasn't put herself first anymore.
I heard one of her friends say she didn't know how she does it, she seems to have it all. What they don't realise they palm their kids at the drop of a hat.

Your kids will have a very real feeling of being the centre of your universe. Your Nieces and nephews? Not so much.
Your children will know they are laced and grow up into well rounded, happy young people who know that their parents put their needs first.
Your SIL will be wondering why her children don't listen to her.

PIL need to stop enabling here she sounds a real piece of work. I have a cousin like this but nobody stops her so she carries on.

Poor kids.

PIL are def enabling but they are to cowardly to say no. They complain about how tiring it's become but don't push back. Also deep down, they worry if they don't take them SIL & hubby will palm them off onto friends etc where as they are security. We won't get involved coz it will end up in a argument, PIL will back down & it will go back to how it was & we would have been pushed further away.
The weird thing in all of this pre children, SIL used to mention about her mum hardly being around & spending time with different people as a child. But now she is doing the same thing with her children (& it's not her parents who are the grandparents who help out a lot).
The thing that really irritated me, was there was one time the little one was asking for mummy, & BIL said she was at work. Started bleeting on about how hard mummy works. But she wasn't at work, she was out doing something else. I didn't say anything at the time but I thought cheeky cow you have your husband covering for you being a shite mum.

As wrong as your SIL is, I can't help but feel your resentment is misplaced. What they do is really none of your business. A good parent does what your doing, sure we struggle at times and would love a bit of time off. But at the end of the day it's normal to put your kids first mostly. I have loads of friends who can work and the grandparents practically raise their kids, not an option for me. IMO there is too much relying on parents to do the parenting these days. Try to look at the situation differently, in a normal family setup the parents do the parenting not the grandparents. Your not getting the short straw, she is simply taking the piss. Trying to rectify this for the grandparents and forcing the other mother to step up would be interfering to knock her down a peg or 2 so she lives in the real world like you..

I agree with mossqwerty

Missqwerty I mean, sorry!

Your SIL sounds as if she takes it for granted and man is that annoying. My MIL does a lot of the things you say but 1) I have health issues and 2) every so often we save up to pay for a weekend away for them because they are so so so damn good to us (even if you do have to remind her not to steamroller us).

Now, your kids clearly come first but maybe you could move the notch from putting yourself near to last to a little bit higher, so you do take a bit more time for yourself? either use a babysitting circle or babysitter or yes, ask PIL now and then. it sounds like you're worn out and really needing to take a bit more time for yourself. It doesn't make you a bad parent. Having some time to yourself makes you a better parent imo - more time than you're getting now from the sound of it.

A bit less tiredness and restoring yoru batteries won't take away the worry about your PILs but it might well help you be a bit less resentful of SIL on your own account.

Just sil? Or bil too?