Refuses to sign divorce papers. WHY!

[1Cheesedoff]

Cant work this one out. Husband has been a nightmare for over a year...silent treatment for over a year refuses to discuss anything...leave me alone...easier not to talk to you etc. I have filed for divorce but will not sign paper or even open envelope. Can anyone explain the thinking behind detaching from family but im telling i am willing to be out of his life if he signs. I've even got to the stage of saying he can keep everything just to be free of his unreasonable behavior and silent treatment. i am worn out with it.

Can you detach, yourself? Move out or whatever. Don't say he can have everything, it'll bite you in the bum later - just go ahead and start moving on with your life.

One way or another he cannot stop you getting a divorce eventually, so stop giving him the power by being around to get the silent treatment.

Not engaging at all with you is his punishing you further for having the gall in his eyes to leave him. He is further trying to control you. This is about power and control ultimately.

Do not let yourself say to him that he can keep everything just to be free of his unreasonable behaviour and silent treatment; that is also what he is angling at.

I sincerely hope your solicitor is well versed in dealing with the likes of abusive and controlling men.

Because you want him to, of course.

Not everyone co-operates with divorce, but that doesn't mean you have to stay married (otherwise I still would be - awful thought!). He can't just stall you forever. Some people manage to divorce when they don't even know where their spouse is, eg if they've moved abroad; there are procedures. It just takes longer (and costs you both more - I hope he's thought of that) if one party plays silly-buggers.

The good news is that if he won't even co-operate when you offer to leave him with everything, you may as well go back to Plan A: the one where you go for a fair and equitable split of marital assets. If you come from the starting point that you are entitled to roughly 50% of everything, that gives a lot of negotiating room.

Because it's having exactly the effect it's designed to - to upset you even more. You need to calm right down and stop reacting. The law will take it's course. He must be laughing up his sleeve, particularly at the thought he's going to get all the financial assets and you'll be left in poverty. Come on now, wise up and stop letting him manipulate you.

Yup. He's doing it for control. It's exasperating but shrug it off. It takes longer but you can still proceed to a divorce. I did. As soon as he realised I'd stopped playing he tried other little games. He has no power over you unless you hand it to him.

Thank you all for your advice. I feel so fed up with it all. Just waiting on a house to rent and i will be out of here. I don't care if it takes 5 years to divorce as long as I do not have to live with this miserable excuse for a man. How can you be married to someone for so long but not really know them. Why do they change. Is it because they feel ownership of you or don't believe we would ever leave. It blows my mind when i try to work it out. Oh well on-wards and upwards. x

Totally understandable. Do you know how long till the rental will come up? Please, please make sure you get what you are entitled to financially. Someone at work today said "onwards and outwards" which we all thought was a better description of our middle aged spread!