So so so confused please help!

[Sleepytrain]

I called the police as my ex abusive partner would not leave the house after seeing ds. He didn't threaten me just refused to leave. He owns half the house even though he doesn't live there anymore. They came over and basically there is nothing that I can do and I had half an hour of police convincing me that he is not a bad guy and the stuff he does is not that bad. Omg!!! I feel now that I am going mad. Maybe they are right? Is it all me? He doesn't control my money, friends, what I wear, stop me from working. He never checks up on me. But he is a bastard that lets me down and puts me down a lot and grinds me down big time. However this wasn't on their ticklist so they concluded that he is not controlling. Bloody hell, what is he then? I am SO confused and now I feel really stupid especially after answering no to all of their questions

Here is some information on Occupation orders, it's a bit wordy but I'm pretty sure you would be eligible for one. It will keep him out of the house and keep you safe.

www.marilynstowe.co.uk/2012/06/01/domestic-violence-how-to-apply-for-an-occupation-order-by-nastassia-burton/

A good question to ask WA/NCDV/CAB/solicitor is what rights he has to enter your home if he no longer lives there, and whether asking for an occupation order is the best path for you - and if so, how they can support you in requesting one.

I wonder if there are other, less burdensome ways to get separate residences recognised (there is in my jurisdiction, eg., not the UK but still a similar Western country).

You're dealing with an entitled, abusive man here, so it's going to be tough at times, sleepytrain. But you will get through this. You are resourceful, and there is help out there. It's a question of reaching out for it, and brushing off the unhelpful and upsetting encounters like those police officers.

Well, the only reason he is here is because I understand it that there is nothing I can do about it.

I just can't be bothered with it anymore, have got no energy and I feel so crushed. He taken ds out so at least I have a bit of space this morning.

I am definitely going to seek legal advice though we need to get formal contact arrangements in place. I think That is all I can do.

My dream is to buy the bastard out.

oh gosh more replies, sorry all, thank you for your support :)

Contact with ds should not happen in your home. Doorstep handovers only. You need to stand up for yourself. Otherwise you will spend years being crushed.

Please take the advice given and contact one or all of the suggested agencies. They can help and support you to protect yourself from his abuse.

Thank you everyone, I am going to try and remember how far I have come and not let the policeman unravel it all. Going to try and see this as a positive by looking at it at a turning point. definitely going to get advice tomorrow about getting contact plans in place. Also, he is trying to be nice to me today, and for the first time ever I am completely not effected by it and just see it as an extension of the abuse.

How are you doing today Sleepytrain? I read your posts yesterday and thought you got some excellent advice which I can only second re formalising contact and exploring where you stand legally re the house and his right (or not) to enter.

Did you manage to get any advice today? Hope so. Hope you manage to get this abusive FW out of your home for good, really feel for you still going through this after you've managed to end it with him. And yy to reporting those police, they sorely need some training round DV. Did they not understand that he's your ex? Surely you have the right to say you don't want him there if it's not his home any more? The controlling part is that you are no longer a couple but he's forcing his presence on you!

Wishing you well with it all.