Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

OH very grumpy / angry all the time after birth of DC2

17 replies

snowydrops · 03/05/2015 02:41

DC2 is 7 weeks old (DC1 is almost 4yrs). My OH has a tendency to be grumpy every so often, kind of phases and has suffered from depression in the past.

With DC1s birth he was amazing, the actual birth bought us very close together. I felt loved, and he helped with everything and knew as much as me about her likes and dislikes.

DC2 is a good baby, really quite easy, sleeps well Etxeita alight colic in the evening but not bad. He is being a grumpy, horrible person! I don't know what to do. He is in a bad mood and incredibly grumpy at least half of the day. He's hot a full on job but he sleeps in the spare room non-fri and still seems so unhappy. I am starting to hate him. Help! I have really struggled with the feeding and I am so angry at him for thinking he has 'things hard' when I am doing so much more. In his defence he looks after DC1s every need really at the moment which I am grateful for her but she is really pretty easy compared to a newborn baby. Is there anything I can do? Is this in any way normal, I am beginning to not

OP posts:

Original poster

snowydrops · 03/05/2015 02:43

Sorry my phone is being strange! I'm beginning to not want to leave DC2 with him because he just seems so angry and gets frustrated with her crying / not drinking from bottle properly / getting wind. It breaks my heart to even be writing this.

OP posts:

loveareadingthanks · 03/05/2015 07:04

Hi Snowdrops, bumping this up for you, sorry here was no one around earlier.

You sounded at the end of your tether last night - how do you feel this morning?

DizziDoll · 03/05/2015 07:11

DH was like this a little with DC2 & 3. I think he was just overwhelmed really. How are you this morning?

Nolim · 03/05/2015 07:12

Could he be depressed?

Ouchbloodyouch · 03/05/2015 07:28

Is this new behaviour or has he always been prone to short temperedness (think I made that word up! )

Mumteadumpty · 03/05/2015 07:33

Are there any close friends or family who know him well nearby? his Mum? Just thinking it may help if you confided in them?

PrimalLass · 03/05/2015 08:06

My OH was the same. I think it was the responsibility of providing for us all. I did hate him for a while as I had a toddler and a newborn and nothing seemed good enough. We can laugh about it now.

Original poster

snowydrops · 03/05/2015 09:11

Yes it does seem better this morning. He apologised in the night (after I shouted). We are both tired but he just gets so angry where as I would cry!

He doesn't have any close friends (one part of the problem) as we moved recently but he does have family who he is close to,I may suggest a chat!

Could definitely be mildly depressed, he admits that himself.

OP posts:

Penfold007 · 03/05/2015 09:14

He needs to see his doctor, he sounds depressed.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 03/05/2015 09:26

You're all exhausted, you poor things. However, when it was just the 3 of you, were you the default carer? Now that you have to focus on the baby, is he stepping up with DC1?

It's fixable. Count to 10 before speaking, hug, kiss or say I love you every hour, and if he's depressed (early waking, low libido, disordered eating are good (bad) signs) send him to the GP for SSRIs.

Original poster

snowydrops · 03/05/2015 09:35

He has massively stepped up withDC1, I cannot fault him there. Yeah we mostly get on well but at times it's tough just because of his seriously short fuse. It's not constant but frequent.

OP posts:

itwillgetbettersoon · 03/05/2015 09:40

You need to talk to him OP. My Stbxh was like this with both of our babies. It was a competition as to who was the most tired. He didn't help during the night as he needed his sleep and I ended up sleeping in spare room with 2year old and baby. It built up so much resentment that I hated him. I could never forgive him and that is one of the reasons he is a STBXH.

Kiwiinkits · 04/05/2015 02:16

My DH gets really grumpy when he's not getting any sex. I know it sounds awful but that is the absolute truth of it. He's a joy when he's getting some!
He's in the spare room; you've just had a baby; everyone's tired...

It will improve. Forgive him his moods - as he is most probably forgiving yours. This time will pass.

Kiwiinkits · 04/05/2015 02:17

A failure to forgive will lead to resentment and break-up, as itwillgetbettersoon's post shows.

Penfold007 · 05/05/2015 07:54

Kiwiinkits that really does sound awful.

Kiwiinkits · 05/05/2015 21:41

Why? I get really grumpy when I'm hungry. He gets really grumpy when he's not had sex for a while. Both legitimate physical needs. You may not like it but that's the way it is for a lot of people, men and women alike.

Original poster

snowydrops · 06/05/2015 08:41

Yes he's been much better since the weekend actually, we Talked and he knows he has been pretty awful! No sex yet, I did suggest it but he was too tired (!!) but to be fair he is currently coming home, putting DC1 yo bed and then working again so he has no wind down time. It's only short term and I've made him book a week off in a few weeks just to get some rest!

He is also grumpy if hungry and maybe with lack of sex too although I don't think he would realise / say that.

OP posts:

Flip