My sil (dh's sister) has a daughter the same age as mine (3). Sil is so competitive and copies everything we do - she's enrolled her daughter into the same dance class as my daughter and you would think her daughter is the only one doing it - she is always getting her to dance for people and bragging about her dancing on social media. It feels like a slap in the face every time she does it as it was something we loved to take dd to and it feels like it's been utterly hijacked. Sil is always questioning us about what dd can and can't do compared to her cousin - I mean really - does it matter? She always interrupts if my daughter is getting any attention from her grandparents (sil's parents) and always steers the focus to her own daughter - getting her to recite letters of the alphabet or whatever her latest skill is. My dd can do all the same things but I don't want her to feel like she's having to perform all the time. I bite my lip and refuse to get involved in silly competitions. It's like she's on a one woman campaign to make her daughter the family favourite and I find it utterly bizarre.
Sil is also very arrogant and selfish - she was nasty to her parents when her mum had breast cancer, thinking only of herself and got away with it entirely. She has loads of friends and I genuinely can't understand why - she's not a kind, selfless person at all. Dh thinks she's a wonderful mum but I just see someone who bullies her daughter and uses the child to promote herself.
How do you deal with it when an unavoidable family member frustrates you and behaves in a way you hate? If I air my views to dh he defends his sister so I tend to keep it all in but I find myself dreading family gatherings that involve this woman.