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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

hitting the kids

22 replies

lemonstartree · 02/05/2015 20:16

Today my ex lost his temper with my 12 year old ds2 and hit him round the head with a TV remote control. He has contact with ds2 and 3 one day a week, not overnight. His choice

He says DS2 & 3 were fighting. He sees nothing wrong with his response. DS2 and 3 are distraught.

I am tempted to tell DS2 and 3 that I am stopping contact. That I will not allow them to see him. But for how long? what if they want to? Ds 2 is almost 13, he should have choice I think ?

what a fucking mess. I have posted before about ExH cannabis habit. Perhaps enough is enough ...

OP posts:

Vivacia · 02/05/2015 20:18

How is your son?

Original poster

lemonstartree · 02/05/2015 20:19

ds2 is 12. ds3 is 10. ds1 (16) barely sees him

OP posts:

AngelWings74 · 02/05/2015 20:23

I would speak to both your children about whether they want to see him or not? Did he Mark your son? Is this the first time he has been physical towards either of them?

MadameJosephine · 02/05/2015 20:24

I would stop contact and I might even consider reporting him to the police for assault so that it was on record for any potential protest about the contact stopping

Floundering · 02/05/2015 20:25

They are old enough that a judge in family court would take his wishes into account.

If he is a drug user then he is likely to have periods of time when he is unsafe/incapable of being in charge of children. It certainly sounds like his temper is worsening as it does with a lot of cannabis users.

Get legal advice but i think you'd be justified in refusing contact if that's what the boys want, or insisting its in a contact centre or mutually agreed 3rd party location.

Spotifymuse · 02/05/2015 20:30

Stop contact, report him to the police on the non emergency number. Even if they take no action this time, reported incidents will help support your children if they decide not to see him.

missqwerty · 02/05/2015 21:59

What a pig! That is abuse. I've never once laid a finger on any of my children and never will, smacking controls through pain and sadness. Report him to the police

LadyB49 · 02/05/2015 23:03

I reckon children are old enough say if they do or don't want to see him. They can't be physically trailed to a visit.

ovumahead · 02/05/2015 23:06

If he can't see he's done anything wrong then that's just awful. Has he left a mark on your sons head? If so please take a photo in case you need it as evidence. And email it to yourself so you don't lose it. Poor kids.

pnutter · 02/05/2015 23:19

look after your kids. Everything else is secondary .

pnutter · 02/05/2015 23:20

Sorry for you and dc how horrible

WishIwasanastronaut · 02/05/2015 23:23

So sorry for you and your kids. As the ex-partner of a cannabis user I can really empathize with what you are going through. Would love to be more help but can't offer anything practical. Hugs.

Fairenuff · 03/05/2015 00:59

I would stop contact. Protect the children.

lunalelle · 03/05/2015 02:40

I would stop contact. I'd also be livid. My DS is 12 and the thought of hurting him makes me feel physically sick.

YvyB · 03/05/2015 09:13

Phone the police and report. It would be totally unacceptable for a stranger to do this to your ds: why on earth is it more acceptable because the aggressor once donated a chromosome? It's assault. You need it on record.
Take photos of any marks / bruising. Please stop contact - ultimately your dcs are totally dependent on you for protection. There is NEVER any justification for a parent to hit a child with an object. There is no way that this could ever be interpreted as a 'light disciplinary smack'.

WishIwasanastronaut · 03/05/2015 09:55

Just a thought - what about contacting social services? It might be an idea to get something logged for child protection reasons if, at a later date, you need to go down the route of stopping contact against your ex-partner's wishes.

Spotifymuse · 03/05/2015 10:14

The first thing social services will do will be ask why you haven't reported the assault to the police. You need to show that you are a protective parent.

Fairenuff · 03/05/2015 10:44

I don't think that's true Spotify, it's not necessary to report to police unless you want to OP. The important thing is to take steps to keep the children safe. They cannot and should not be asked to make that decision.

If you want advice contact Childline

MarianneSolong · 03/05/2015 10:49

I think hitting children around the head is potentially dangerous - whether that's a blow with the hand or with an object.

As children get towards adolescence some parents may increasingly hit out to assert their power/control.

Fighting - to punish children who are fighting - is also clearly a bad tactic.

I think at 12 children should be able to understand that this isn't a good response, and you're inevitably concerned. I think supervised contact would be the way forward at this point in time.

Original poster

lemonstartree · 04/05/2015 11:27

I hate him
Hes a selfish useless arsehole
my DP and I do everything for the kids. he has one day a week to enjoy their company and all he does is sit around with them while he read sthe paper, and wonders why they get fractions. Then he looses his temper and assaults them
Thats it. I have tried to encourage a relationship with their father, because no matter what I think of he he is ther father. But they would be better off without him. hes a gigantic waste of space

OP posts:

SouthCoastSister · 04/05/2015 11:30

Your poor boy. And you. Ring SS they are great with advice and will help you.

Jux · 04/05/2015 12:15

I would ring police on 101, and also ss. Cover your arse, as they say.

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