Anyone ended a relationship because of depression?

[LittleDecoRing]

Hello, I've name changed here to keep everything else separate. It's my depression not his and it's me that has ended it.

I've been on antidepressants for three months and already had a change in meds. We've been together nearly 18 months although were friends for a long time before that. I had been in an EA relationship and coming out of it was the final straw with how well I was coping. I've been up and down with various episodes especially in the last six months.

We were going to move in together and he turned around and said he couldn't cope. I felt let down but I understood. That was very recent.

We had a silly argument. I'm tired of trying to keep myself in check, be upbeat when I just trying to focus on healing myself and I'm struggling. CBT starts soon. I've got everything crossed. I'm trying to get better for me and my children. I feel I have no headspace left.

I don't know what I'm asking. Maybe I'm trying to justify making the right decision.

I know I haven't written much, that's because I'm tired. It's not with the intention to dripfeed.

I just need some kind words. Thank you.

How long since you got out of your EA relationship, and how did it end? Did you have time on your own afterwards, you might have needed this to start the healing process. Good thing that you have support from the health system though, the right med can help a lot, and CBT is good for changing thought processes.

It's not good if you have to pretend to be upbeat - that feeds the depression, through cognitive dissonance, as I know only too well I think your decision was for the best, fwiw.

To be honest there was barely a gap. And I have often wondered if that was part of the problem. The EA ex and I had been together for over 5 years. He broke me down into little parts

Thank you for your words.

I ended the last relationship. It was hard and had taken me a long time. I thought he had changed. He hadn't.

The only one then I would appreciate any other thoughts.

You've done the right thing. You absolutely need to prioritise your recovery over putting up a front for someone else's benefit.

I ve always thought that when you're depressed, or under extreme emotional stress, you only have so much energy. All that energy is going on just surviving - keeping going, looking after your kids, etc. there's very little left for fun, or romance.

What you need in a partner now is support. I think if this man isn't able or willing to give you that support, you may be right in leaving. you don't want to throw something good away because you're depressed, of course, but a good 'for life' partner would want to see you through thick and thin (it's in sickness and in health for a reason!)

Why don't you put things on hold? You need to concentrate all your energies right now on YOU. Getting you better so that you can function, both for yourself and your kids. If he's still there when you come back up, great. If he's not, then we'll, you'll know he wasn't the one.

I'd also push for therapy as well as the CBT. CBT is good for treating disordered or incorrect thought processes in response to situations, but you sound like you've had a rough few years with your EA partner, and that might benefit more from a talking/working it through approach.

Good luck to you. It's such a tough thing to deal with. Be gentle to yourself.

Thank you Skipton. It looks like I'll be getting therapy through work, so attacking this from all angles. What you have written makes a lot of sense and echoes what a friend has said. My head is so full of mess, I've no idea what is right or wrong.