Does anyone else have a partner who is ill?

[Whattodowithit]

How do you cope with the change to your relationship? I hope I am supportive in a positive and upbeat way, but it is hard. We do talk a lot but it's not me that has gone through the treatment and has to have a complicated lifesaving operation, and this illness and treatment has changed our relationship and I mourn that. I try to hide my fear and help with his unspoken fear and the side effects of his treatment, but selfishly miss who we were before and know we will never be the same again. Any advice on coping better?

I could have written your post. DH became seriously unwell over three years ago...he's had a shed load of treatment, the consequences of which have left him three stone lighter with ongoing physical limitations. He has also struggled emotionally with everything he has been through. Our relationship has therefore changed - physically and mentally.
Like you, I also mourn the relationship and life we had before his illness, which we will never have again. I cope by going out with friends regularly, leaving my role as mum, carer and breadwinner at home. Being just 'me' when I'm out is so refreshing, I think I initially felt a degree of guilt for this but now recognise that I need this in order to help me cope and not lose my own identity.

Yep me, not come to terms with it yet. Fortunately he's not as ill as he was but there is this sense of we're just waiting for his decline.

It has hugely affected our sex life (he sleeps sooooooooooooooo much now) and I mourn that closeness and intimacy. The whole thing drags me down tbh.

Completely get you Random.

His apathy about being proactive about his conditions makes me very angry tbh.

Thank you both. Yes, angry too. We used to be inseparable, now often mope alone in different rooms. I find his anger about being ill very difficult. I wish both of you, and your partners, well. Thank you for sharing.