Just can't move past this

[VillyCazalet]

Not really relationship problem but I'd like help from the wise heads here, and it is relevant to my whole family.

We have 2 DC's, 4 and 6. I cannot, cannot, cannot move past wanting another.

We lack space. Money is ok but needed to extend/do up the house. We both have minor health issues which make baby care harder than it is anyway.

We have hobbies we love, non compatible with babies. Life's getting easier!

We've yo-yo'd for years, always concluding that no, it would be nice but not wise.

Why can't I let it go? Now I feel we've decided definitely not to, I feel depressed, have no interest in sex and just very sad. I am sensible and rational, I know what this is (I'm 36!) but I can't over power it!

I just don't know what to do. I almost feel another baby will be worth it simply to stop feeling like this forever! I know it's pretty common to feel like this but any wise words and advice would be appreciated.

Maybe you will always be broody? Maybe that's how you are?

I remember being in my twenties and at a time in my life when I really shouldn't have a child - I was so eaten up by the desire to have one that I thought I was going mad. I almost had one, just to get rid of that feeling.

Then I read something by Irma Kurtz, who was an agony aunt for Cosmopolitan. She said that if you're that kind of person, you will always, always want a child. Then she said something that stopped me from getting pregnant - she said that some people even want another just after giving birth.

So I waited and I had my daughter when I was ready and guess what? I was in hospital for a week and half a dozen times in that week all I wanted was another baby.

And now I'm in my fifties and I look at threads where women are posting photos of their babies and I want one desperately.

But I know it's mad - I have two adult children. Three would have broken me in all sorts of ways. Just because my hormones were going wild, it didn't mean I should go ahead and have another child. Understand your body. Understand that's what you're like. Then use logic and commonsense to work out whether you should have a child, rather than pure emotion.

Only reasons of practicality and good sense. They're quite significant though - energy, space, money, time would all be stretched whereas now we're just fine. I'm pretty tired all the time, I'm not sure how that'd be with another.

This thread has helped, I've felt much better. Right up until the last post, now I'm back at the beginning

X post. Yes, I really think I won't do it. I know all that, really, it's just hard to fight biology.

I know it's not just about regret for regrets sake. I was very insecure and anxious as a child and had quite a tricky time. I still suffer the repercussions of it now, it's part of my personality. I feel a desire to have a bigger family to sort of surround myself with a loving, safe family which I never had. I have a sense of more can only be better. Hard to explain, not logical or sensible I know.

Villy, I am not trying to be inflammatory or unkind. Either you have another or you don't. you listen to your head or your hormones.
You have good jobs, loving husband, enough money & 2 lovely healthy kids. I would say ALOT more than most people.
either you go for no. 3 or you don't, you are making a list of how much a 3rd child is not the best plan. So you know the rational answer.
Maybe you should see if your hormones are running riot ? if not I wish you well. Be happy, love your kids.
Most of the posts here are about the fiasco around poster's lives, Enjoy what you have.

Wow, blether, I'm like that/you! Still not over the grief of menopause = no more kids. My mum's like it too and she's mid 80s.

Sounds like you have the broody gene then op. But your inherent anxiety is making this agony? Are you having treatment for anxiety at present?