Hello
I have a 7yr old DS who is having a hard time with friendships atm. He seems to have got into a 3some with two other boys, and often they gang up on my son. The other two spend a lot of extra time together at afterschool clubs, whereas my son comes home. Plus, we are living in France, and he is not French - though he has been here since he was 3 months old and has been through nursery etc with most of the boys in his class. He gets very upset at being excluded, says that no one will play with him, that he can't join other groups or play with other people as they won't let him. There was a phase earlier this year of racist bullying - not playing with him because he is 'English', which the teacher put a sharp stop to when he was informed, but it seriously dented my child's confidence for a while.
I am struggling to reassure him or to tell him what is normal regarding friendship dynamics and changes. I went to a really tiny rural primary school, there were only 3 of us in my class, all girls. We never fell out basically because we couldn't, as there were no other options! We were ruled by a Queen Bee, and the other two of us spent a lot of time trying to keep her happy and taking turns at being the favoured / out of favour one. I believe that this has left me ill-equipped in dealing with friendships.
Is it realistic to suggest that he look for other friends? In large city schools, are friendships still fairly fluid at this age? Or do they have 'best friends' and stick with that? What else can I do to help him tackle this?
I am struggling with my own panicky feelings about his unhappiness: I just don't know what's normal in this respect. DH reckons that times of unhappiness, being left out, moving on from one friend / group to another is normal, especially at this age. And that children swap friends and move on etc as they get older.
Help! And I know this post is different to most on this board, but I hope it falls under the broad heading of Relationships.