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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling angry and hurt at everyone

6 replies

Thaigal · 06/11/2006 14:28

I come from a large family and we are all pretty close apart from the ordinary backstabbing and name-calling that you get in all families, some of us see each other once a year, others a few times a month...it just depends who's at who's house when you visit.

Anyway when I left college I moved in with my boyfriend on a pretty rough estate, we had a son together but had no money at all and loads of problems with the horrible neighbours not to mention the house was basically a filth pit, I was suffering badly with PND and not one of my family members came down to see me except my mum. I think my grandmother came twice (in 2 years) and all she did was call the state of the house and the state of me etc...I was the talk of the family yet nobody cared that I had this awful depression, it was never mentioned whilst I was being pulled to bits.

Anyway I moved and have been in this current house for 6 years now, my grandmother has been twice in 6 years, my aunts, uncles and cousins have never been despite knowing that I am completely on my own now with the kids. so much for close family?

Anyway last new years eve I thought I'd make the effort and went to a new years eve party that my aunt was holding, everything was great at first until my aunt got drunk and then started going on about my old house again, how disgusting it was and how much of a mess I was and that it's disgusting that I never bother with any of the family! I had had a bit to drink too so ended up in tears...some party.

One thing that came out of the party though was that I got talking to my cousin again after a fall out years ago...we had a good natter and agreed to keep in touch.
Anyway by the end of the night my aunt told me to go down the next day and we could chat properly and catch up etc...

The next day my grandmother told me that my aunt had phoned her to ask me not to go as she felt ill, I've not heard from my aunt since.

My cousin added me to his msn and one night we chatted for hours but then he started saying things that were a bit 'off', going on about how great I looked etc and that he had to keep repeating to himself that we were cousins. I felt it strange but carried on talking and tried to change the subject but he kept on with these 'suggestive comments'. I gave up in the end and went to bed but for the next few weeks we chatted on msn for a few hours a night but with this 'suggestive' talk and flirting always creeping in after half an hour or so... anyway one weekend his girlfriend came home from uni and I never heard from him (fair enough!) but then when she went home it continued again until I started to avoid talking to him. Then his girlfriend came to live with him and he hasn't spoken to me since...apart from when she was away one weekend he came looking for me on msn , nice to know WHY he wanted to talk to me in the first place.

I'm just so angry with the lot of them, my aunts are hot and cold with me, my cousins only talk to me when they want something...I have been trying to get some old photo's from my other aunt for months now so I can make a scrapbook for my grandparents for christmas, at first she said she'd help and then she just started ignoring my emails so I can't do it now.

What is it with them?? I just feel like not bothering with them at all.

OP posts:
FioFio · 06/11/2006 14:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

saadia · 06/11/2006 14:31

They sound horrible, best to carry on your life without them but I know this is easier said than done.

Twiglett · 06/11/2006 14:31

and have you invited them over to your house

why don't you invite Aunt around for a meal and a chat

you can't mend fences by doing nothing and feeling aggrieved

but you can mend them by explaining and apologising and asking for a fresh start

Thaigal · 06/11/2006 14:33

apologise for what exactly?

OP posts:
Donbean · 06/11/2006 14:33

So what ties you to them?
What makes you feel that you have to keep in with them?
My point is, if this were friends who were causing you such misery...surely you would stop allowing it and stop contact with them?
Have you ever tried to cut ties with them?

Twiglett · 06/11/2006 14:51

well I'm not saying that you've done anything wrong .. but really if you want a relationship you need to start somewhere so maybe a general apology that things have got to this stage "I'm sorry we've lost touch so much" without any admission of guilt and a request for a future "But I miss you in my life and would love to be able to build a relationship from here"

or don't ... cut them out of your life if you prefer

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