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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling guilty about moving nearer to in-laws than own parents

3 replies

expuffinbookclub · 29/04/2015 19:50

We are moving out of London with 2 children back up north to be closer to grandparents,and because our tiny flat is too small for the four of us. Partner has found a job and I'm going to be working part-time. Instead of 8 hours drive from my parents, I will be 2 hours. The plan is they will come over every week/fortnight and stay 1-2 nights to look after our children and just to see each other. My parents are excited about seeing more of us and happy to help out. The jobs are in a place where we could be anywhere between 10-30 minutes from in-laws. My preferred location would be 10 minutes away as I like the town and am familiar with it from visiting in-laws. I am quite daunted by moving and find the thought of going somewhere I know a little comforting. But I feel guilty that I will be much nearer them than my own parents. I am an only child and my Dad has some on-going health problems though he is ok at the moment. My parents live in a very rural area with no jobs going and my partner doesn't want to live there full stop as says it is too isolated. Part of me wonders if I should just insist on staying in London as it is fairer? But partner fed up with London commute and tiny flat! Am I worrying too much? Maybe my parents could move nearer to me if the time came, though they are very involved in local community. I guess I am jealous that my partner won't have to worry about elderly parents as we will be near. Ironic as they are not fussed about being that near family.

OP posts:
winkywinkola · 29/04/2015 19:56

You cannot make decisions based on what you think is best for other people. And your parents, if they are decent folk, would never ask that of you.

You must do what you and your dh agree is best for you and your dcs. That's it. Otherwise you will spend your life making other people happy.

Just get on with it and enjoy yourselves and your New loved.

winkywinkola · 29/04/2015 19:56

New lives I mean. Not loved.

Meerka · 30/04/2015 07:44

2 hours away is much better than 8 surely? even if the in laws are closer still, loosing 6 hours from the journey time is a big improvement!

If you're all 4 stuck in a tiny flat then it makes much more sense to move to a bigger place. Being closer to both sets of parents is just a bonus. If you really wanted you could insist on moving to a place 30 mins from your partner's work so that that makes it only 1 1/2 hours to your parents.

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