DP's behaviour - am I being precious?

[underthisfreetie]

I am seeking the advice of mumsnettes on whether my DP's behaviour is a little odd. His Dad had to go in for test results for something that was potentially very serious. The appointment was at 11am. I knew my DP and his dad were worried, and I was too. I spoke to him before they went in and said I loved him and was thinking of them, he said he would let me know when he heard. It got to 1pm and I haadn't heard anything, despite seding a text at about 12.30. I then saw that my DP had been on Facebook. I messaged him on Facebook at about 1pm when I saw him online (more out of annoyance that he was on there!), and then I magically got a text from him a few minutes later saying it was fine but dad would need to be monitored.

I had spent the whole morning worrying about them, could barely concentrate at work, and I feel annoyed that he didn't even have the courtesy to message me as soon as he knew, and instead browsed facebook. AIBU to feel annoyed about this?

Yes you are being precious. Fil has tests all the time. I don't insist dh calls me about them before he does anything else. I wouldn't ev en be expecting an update till the evening. Stop monitoring your boyfriends communications. Hope his dad is ok.

thanks for your reply.

it wasn't a test, it was a result to something potentially v serious.

I assume your DP was aware you felt worried, and you had asked him to let you know as soon as he heard. How is your communication generally?

Was he giving other people the results on FB?

Perhaps he was browsing facebook whilst hanging around at the hospital.

Don't really think you are being precious, unless you have only been together a short while? It's just good manners to let you know if you are genuinely close.

i don't know what he was doing on fb. communication has become worse and worse recently. used to be very good!

I think YAB a bit U.

I know when I'm worried about something/super busy or stressed I might "put off" texting or calling. Having a quick browse through FB doesn't require any real thought - you can just look rather than having to formulate any words.

You got a text two hours after the test was being done so I think you need to be a bit kind in your heart and understand that although you were worried your DP must have been in a state!

Yes, you are.

You got the results 2 hours after your boyfriend and his dad did.

Sounds like a shitty and worrying time for him, the last thing he will need today is you annoyed that he didn't text you the very minute he stepped out of the hospital doors.

Yes. Don't add to his stress. Checking FB is a time wasting activity. He will let you know the results later.

No you're not. My DM has an ongoing low grade Cancer and has tests every 3-6 months, depending on how well it's behaving itself!

I always text immediately to tell DH if no problems or not. It doesn't require discussion to send a quick text. He's always very concerned for my mum, as well as how this affects the whole family. Losing his mum and dad means mine are that but more important (worded wrong but I can't think how best to express that).

Yes, you are being unreasonable in this instance.

Is there more to this? You also said that "communication has been getting worse lately".

Sweeping generalisation I know, but men in general aren't brilliant at communicating stuff around medical issues. The more serious the potential issue is, the less they like talking about it.

However it does sound from what you say that you feel communication is an issue in general ion your relationship. How long have you been together? Do you live together, have DCs?

And no his behavior is not odd. He's digesting the info first before telling others. Give the guy a break . He doesn't need to tell you immediately but in a timely manner . If he didn't let you know by end of day then I would be concerned.

YANBU and just because someone elses FIL has regular tests and doesn't expect a text after doesn't mean you are wrong to want one .

You are being a bit precious. But if things have been going a bit off recently, I understand WHY you're being precious! It feels awful. Do you feel a bit more insecure than usual? If so, that'd make you notice stuff like this.

You need to pullback and focus on yourself for a bit. Every time you feel your thoughts straying to your DP, and his behaviour, and these kinds of worries/niggles, I'd like you to VERY DEFINITELY pull your thoughts away from him and back onto you. Read a fun website, start a new hobby, reconnect with an old friend, plan an outfit for an upcoming event, think of ways to be better at work, do 50 sit-ups, cook a meal, do a beauty treatment, try a new hairstyle, organise your wardrobe, do 20 tricep dips... Something very definitely just about YOU.

It helps. I promise you, I swear to you, it REALLY helps. You have hit into the habit of overthinking things with your DP, and you just need to break the cycle. You can do it!

YANBU. It's the realisation that your feelings are a side issue.

Do you live together? Is he a newish BF?

I don't think his behaviour is odd in any sense. He has behaved differently to what you might have done if you'd been in his situation, or what you might have hoped he'd done, but there is nothing odd in what he did.

It is understandable that you feel annoyed - you've clearly been worried this morning, and so you'll be more anxious and therefore more likely to react in an emotional way. However now you know (and your dp did respond pretty quickly to you), you would be unreasonable if you were angry with him.

Pollyswall is right.

Yanbu, imho. You were worried, you texted, you asked specifically for an update. Your feelings were disregarded.

YANBU if he can go on facebook he can send you a quick txt to let you know the situation. I can understand why you are annoyed.

YABU because this is not AIBU it's Relationships :)