AMBU in feeling like I'm being treated like crap?

[useristhe6]

I posted preiously under the thread 'Am I expecting too much?' I don't know how to link it. I just wanted to add a couple more things that upset me, but perhaps would make people think actually i'm in the wrong.

I've kept in the original list just for clarity:

I emailed him asking if he wanted me to book tickets to a show at the weekend as they were on offer, and when I asked that evening why he hadn't replied, he told me that he 'wasn't goign to reply to shit like that when he's busy at work.'

• Forgot last week that I was in hospital for half a day (he was working away and I didn't hear from him at all - he forgot)
• Got drunk at the weekend (again while abroad with work), and I didn't hear from him for 24 hours and was really worried about him. Turns out he just 'forgot' to charge his phone.
• Tells me he wil call at x time (again when away) and then I will be reay for the call in the middle of the day and don't hear from him. He will message hours later to say he was out with friends and forgot.
• Two of my best friends are getting married this year, and he has already told me he cant make either wedding because he cant be sure whethr he will be away - I've asked him to specify he needs to be here for them, but he says he doesnt want to do that.

Things that I am concerned I'm being petty over:

• DP was due to visit his Dad yesterday. He said he would call me at lunchtime on the way down (he's been away up until now so i've not seen him for a few weeks and he's going striahgtot his dad's as his dad is unwell - that's obviously fine). Didn't hear from DP at lunch, messaged twice. Eventually get a message back saying sorry, he forgot to tell me he had decided to go to his dad's earlier than originally planned and was in fact there right now, and couldtn call me onthe way down as he was on the phone to work. I was cross about this and it caused an argument -AIBU?

• I will message DP and not hear from him for hours, then realise he's been online etc. I know this is petty and childish, but it's obvious he;d had time to speak to friends. He will always have a reason why he didn't respond to me.

• A KEY THING: He works away a lot and recently he's given me 5 days notice of this, out of the blue. He will send a long text, usually ending with how much he loves me and how he cant speka now because he's at the gym etc. I've started to get waves of anxiety when I see a text from him as i feel like there's more news of chopping and chnage in my life. I have told him this and he tells me that I need to man up and should be independant enough not to care if he's away...should i be ok with this? should i not care? i get upset about it because i feel messed about and like i neednt bother making any plans because they can be scuppered in an instant when he decides he wont be around. maybe that is pathetic....

honest replies really welcome - if i need to man up then please say so!!

I didn't see your other thread, so cannot comment on that.
However, from reading your OP I feel that he is careless and dismissive of your feelings, and seems to be living the single mans life - he certainly doesn't want to commit to anything no matter how small, does he!.

As for 'forgetting' you were in hospital well, I don't think so. He seems to 'forget' an awful lot when it suits him.

You don't need to feel anxious, you don't need to feel messed about, you certainly don't need to man up.

*Goes out and gets drunk - doesn't let you know he's ok.
*Changes plans and doesn't tell you.
*Doesn't want to be disturbed at the gym.

.....It's all about him isn't it!

What you need to do is find someone who cares about you, your feelings, and wants to be with you and share life with you.

This man doesn't do that. He can't be bothered about anything except himself.

What the bloody hell is the point in this relationship? He's horrible to you! He acts most of the time as though you don't exist.

You really deserve better than this.

Do you have children together? Rent/bought a place together?

As was the consensus on your other thread, this man has checked out of your relationship but is too cowardly to end it.

What are you getting out of this "relationship" except being able to tell people that you have a boyfriend?

Couldn't you just make up a fictitious boyfriend and have a nicer life?

It's not that he will always have a reason, it's that you will always believe his crap, and that's exactly what it is, the man has nothing but contempt for you, sorry but you did ask for honesty!

Whatever love you feel for him is slowly being eroded and poisoned by his behaviour, isn't it? Don't wait to hit rock bottom. And don't start taking on the blame. It isn't yours to take.

A loving and mutually supportive relationship shouldn't be such hard work as you are experiencing. There's something better out there waiting for you. Big girl pants time - walk away - don't look back.

It doesn't sound like he wants to be with you very much, nor that he thinks about you very often at all.

I don't foresee much of a future.

Please don't think of any of this as a reflection on you. It's a very, very poor reflection on a pathetic little twat. Him.

Why don't you "forget" to get in touch with him, by any method, and see how long it takes for him to "remember" that he has a partner ? When (if) he does get in touch, ignore him, and see if he's bothered.

I don't see what anyone can add to this that hasn't already been said. Are you hoping someone might pop up with a magic cure for twattishness?
Get rid and keep some dignity

What a twat. Get rid immediately. You deserve better.

This, added altogether sounds like he does not care enough about you.

Actually, the text, on its own is unec
essarily rude and would give me pause

I think it is time for you to forget to text/phone/contact him.

In fact l think you should forget he exists.

Hes horrible to you. Practically abusively so

Sounds like you're dating my exh!
Ignore him until he asks what's up then reply with 'I forgot you existed' and be done with it

Please tell us you don't have kids with this idiot?

Get out of this asap, he's trashing your self esteem and it'll ruin you eventually

I suspect he's playing away too

Uh Huh.

...... he 'wasn't goign to reply to shit like that when he's busy at work.'.... Forgot last week that I was in hospital for half a day .... Got drunk at the weekend....just 'forgot' to charge his phone....he was out with friends and forgot......he cant make either wedding because he cant be sure.......he doesnt want to do that..... not hear from him for hours, then realise he's been online etc.....he cant speka now because he's at the gym etc.....he tells me that I need to man up..... (My redactions.)

Yes - you're being treated like crap.

Do you need to stay with this man for some reason?

Okay...the advice you were given on the other thread will be the same here. He does not want to be with you, he can't be bothered with you, his just not that into you anymore.

just be thankful you have no kids together.

He gets a feeling of being important by constantly messing you around. He loves you because you are his means of feeling important but no other reason. He doesn't actually love you in the way you understand love. He is skewed and bent out of shape. You will spend your life running about from pillar to post as he pisses you about.

He's away a lot, so you're without him most of the time. Take control of your life and make it all of the time.