Dealing with a sulker

[Feelingreallystupid]

Bit of background, my partner and I had a row 2 weeks ago which I think stemmed from me telling him that I don't tell him everything , this was something to do with my ex husband and son - which was neither here nor there in terms of important information. I do tell him pretty much everything and don't intentionally withhold anything from him but sometimes I forget to tell him the little things. So nothing happened then, and I went to bed. The next thing I know is its 1am and he's getting up to leave after coming to bed. I'm sorry to say I flipped and really shouted at him. How dare you run out on me in the middle of the night? I'm not proud of that .
He did stay and the next day we talked it through and apologised. He did say he could put it behind us.
Now we are 2 weeks on and he is still being frosty.
I think some of the issues are that I still have a good relationship with my ex, and he's jealous .
He is very controlling and likes to know everything about me. Now every time I text him its factual one word replies . I can't be doing with the sulking . He says nothing's wrong but obs it is. Anyone else got a sulker?

The sulking sounds like a symptom. The real issue is the jealousy and control. That is what needs to be resolved.

What is your relationship with your ex like? Cordial, or lots of emotional support?
Can you relate to your partner's feelings of jealousy, or do you just dismiss them? How founded or unfounded do these feelings seem to you?
You say he is controlling. This is worrying. How does this control manifest?

I had a sulker and my situation was pretty similar to yours. I have a fantastic relationship with my exh and because we have children we communicate regularly. DP hated it especially when I didn't bother mentioning I had spoke to exh that day and it came up in conversation later, he would excuse me of keeping secrets/having something to hide.

In the end I gave him an ultimatum. Accept I will always have contact with exh and be grateful that we have a good friendship, stop sulking like a child or bugger off. I was not prepared to have my life ruled by another man and I told him so. He either trusted me and trusted that I love him or it ends.
He chose to get over himself. He did explain that he found the whole friends with the ex hard and although not normally jealous he couldn't control how he felt/reacted. However he knew he had to control it otherwise we were over. A month on things have improved greatly and no more sulking/jealousy. It may not work for you but I was not prepared to have DP rule me or dictate my life.

Used to. I thought we had was a communication problem. Then one day I realised it was an asshole problem. Hence why I am now contentedly single.

I tended to find the thing that worked, after all the crying, begging and trying to explain, was eventually to give up, get stroppy and say I couldn't be doing with this and if he really wanted to flounce off back to his country of birth I would be happy to pay for his ticket. All of a sudden he's ready to forgive the thing I didn't even do wrong in the first place and let bygones be etc. Then we'd have a nice making-up few days where he brought me breakfast in bed, tidied the lounge, sort of thing. Like a fool, I used to think he was finally getting it and realising I honestly hadn't meant to cause offence... until the next time. It's kind of exhausting after a couple of decades.

Next time let him leave. It's just a gesture. He'll be back again before you have time to relax and enjoy the peace. XH never did actually leave, in fact when I decided enough really was enough I couldn't get him out with (virtual) dynamite.

I would have described my ex as a sulker - I now know he was emotionally abusive. Substiute the word sulking for stonewalling - as Goats says it's all about control.

His record was 3 weeks after a row I apologised for 10 minutes after it happened!!

Well this sounds like a fun relationship and what a lovely way to spend the rest of your life.
With a controlling arse who stonewalls you.
Is this what you really want?
You say 'partner' so I assume you aren't married.
Why stay for this shit?
Jealous, controlling and emotionally abusive. What a way to live!

Regina" that's just it! We have a cordial relationship, he'll stop for a coffee after drop off etc.
he has a horrendous relationship with his ex. The con trolling will be - who were you on what's app with? , picking up my phone etc.
We've Been together 3 years. Don't live together .

Oh god, I had one like this too many moons ago. Absolute nightmare. Wanted to know every tiny detail and if I forgot to mention anything, no matter how trivial, in the past or irrelevant it was, he'd go into a monumental sulk and accuse me of withholding stuff or lying.

I swear he actually sat there in a corner once with his bottom lip stuck out because I never told him about an incident of sexual harassment that happened to me at work 20 years ago (yes, really). Anything he interpreted as a slight on him resulted in a sulk and ignoring me for days on end. Then eventually he'd deign to speak to me again and make a massive deal about what a great guy he was because he'd decided to forgive me. What a tool.

Sulking is such an unattractive trait. Life's too short, get rid.

He doesn't trust you Feeling. If it wasn't the good relationship with your ex it would be something else.

You need to look at what you want out of your relationship and decide if your DP can give you that. I would hate to have my every move and action questioned especially by the man who is meant to love & trust me.

You've had 3 years of this. How much more can you put up with?

Constantly Checking up on you and looking at your phone is awful, possessive behaviour.

who were you on what's app with? , picking up my phone etc.

Fuck that.

Why don't you tell him to fuck right off next time he does that shit.

Or answer "the Queen" or "Bono" or similar. "Ask a silly question, get a silly answer".

I do tell him pretty much everything and don't intentionally withhold anything from him but sometimes I forget to tell him the little things.
Stop doing that! Listen to yourself!

You seem to think he has the right to know about every interaction you have in your life. That's bonkers.

Instead of not forgetting to give him a full report, how about you start deliberately keeping some things private, nothing important, but just the I met Sally for coffee type thing?

If he behaves as if he wants to be left alone, i.e. sulks, then leave him alone. His inability to trust you is his problem, not your problem.

Melon, that's the kind of thing I do sometimes not tell him, not because its a secret, but because its of no consequence .
All other aspects of our relationship are great.
It's just the sulking. It's like dealing with a 3 year old.
What's wrong, nothing...
I love you - yeah, you too
Could do with a hug , yeah, weathers good again....
I should just ignore him I know ...

My exh was and still is to some extent, even though we have been split for about 2 yrs.

He would sulk if I didn't tell him where/why/who with I had been, if I didn't want to attend to his 'needs', didn't cook for him even though he had gone out with mates, not completed the housework before he got home (I work too), the list was endless.

As another poster said, it is jealous, controlling and abusive. Taken me ages to see what it is.

It is not easy just to get shot, but I spent 15 years like this and it nearly killed me.