What accomplishments have made you feel empowered?

[Mumtumwhatever]

I'm separated and single and although I do consider myself quite independent, I get a little thrill when I accomplish something around the house on my own. No I'm not solo hiking cross-country like Reese Witherspoon in Wild but here's what gave me a boost recently:

• I have assembled 3 pieces of flat pack furniture. Yes it took me days but it's done
• I somehow messed up my Sonos music system but then I fixed it again (ok not fully but at least it's playing music again)
• I got my wifi printer to work after sitting dormant for 8 months
• I have faced up to my fear of spiders so I don't pass that fear onto my children

On a bigger scale we can get into having the courage to leave bad relationships, doing what's best for our children etc but sometimes it's the daily battles that can make your day.

So what small battles have you won that made you feel proud (however small)?

DrMorbius, thank you! You just saved another few hours of me browsing the 'help' section on their website! Researching music services now...empowered again!

Got back on my feet and made myself walk, after being told I'd be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life.
I can't walk for long, and it's often really painful, but whilst I continue to walk, I have my freedom, and that's what matters to me.

This is a brilliant thread!

Began my BA, after decades out of education.

Taught myself how to do gardening, and dug hundreds of dumped bricks out of the flower beds.

Built a (albeit small) shed! Still need to put the roof on, mind.

Stood up to my controlling parents.

Got out of 2 crappy and abusive relationships.

What amazing women we are! It's mind blowing what you can achieve following horrendous heartache and how you can find strength where you thought you had none. Proud of everyone here .

I was already competent at DIY/flat pack/minor car repairs/household admin before I left STBXH as he was next to useless in every way imaginable. What I am proud of was single handedly furnishing our new home with everything (I left STBXH with some clothes and toys and that was it). I've also tackled the debt I was left with as STBXH was financially abusive. And I've also met a lovely man whom I trust implicitly (something I never thought possible as all my exes have been serial cheats). Oh, and started a business as well .

Here's to us!

Coped, and I fact flourished without wanker exp.

Managed a toddler, a job, and a degree on my own.

Learned how to wallpaper/fix my own car (easy jobs only ).

Met a truly amazing man who absolutely adores me and DS. I never thought that would happen.

Fantastic achievements here!

This year I have sorted the wheat from the chaff with regards to the people in my life. It's left me with barely anyone, but I feel better.
Also made steps towards securing some counselling sessions to try and get to the roots of my recurring depression. First appointment is this week, I'm ready to dive in however hard it may be.

This looks like really very little written down, but it's taken so many years to become self aware enough to seek out help/change.

So many things:

• getting medical treatment resulting in hospital stay for DS despite exh saying I was being dramatic
• getting counselling for my DD despite exh saying she was fine, must be my influence messing her up
• fitting toilet seat & cat flap and putting together sofa and wardrobes.
• gradually transforming our house into a home.

And so much more.. its bloody hard being a lp but my god, the feeling of accomplishment can be of the scale!

Loads I have flourished since XH left - wish he'd gone sooner!

He left me and the DCs in a country where I don't speak the language well and no access to money in the UK bank account. In the three years since he's left, I've gone out and got a job - not easy to do when you struggle with the language.

Dealt with all DS1s doctors appointments, he has ASD, so it's with educational psychologists, again all in a language I struggle with.

Improved my language skills!

My house was flooded in December '13/Jan '14 for nine weeks and we lost everything. I had to deal with finding us somewhere else to live, insurance companies, builders everything, Despite a couple of hiccups along the way I've managed everything brilliantly.

I take great pride in the fact that I've refurnished my house to a high standard using mostly second hand furniture.

He told me I was the one who was crap with money, since he left despite living on less than 10K a year, I manage to save every month, take the children on holiday at least once a year and took them to Australia at Christmas. He earns 40K and declared himself bankrupt 18 months after leaving me.

I managed flat pack garden furniture at the weekend, and yes, I might have got a bit pissed off with the seats and maybe whacked a hole in them with a bit of a heavy handed hammer tap, but they're constructed and you can't see the hole because there are cushions.

But my greatest achievement is XH has seen our DCs for less than a month in total in the three years since he walked out, but on the occasion he has taken them back to the UK everyone puts on Facebook what lovely boys and what a credit they are to him and I think to myself, actually a credit to me, I've brought up those lovely boys all by myself. I really, really take great pleasure in that.

So far in the ten months since stbxh moved out...

Mowed the lawn - gardening was always his thing - despite finding a spider living in the grass box.

Which leads me onto: dealing with spiders.

Sold a car (the gas guzzler he loved and I didn't) and bought another.

Dealt with a plumbing emergency. Twice.

Paid all the bills on time. Every month. (Turns out his share of the household bills was half what he led me to believe, and his hobby-spending twice as much...) Despite years of being told I was rubbish with money.

Started to clear a mountain of debt.

Kick started a sideline as a freelance musician.

BA Hons degree from the Open Uni 2:1

This is lovely! Keep them coming.

I love this thread!

Like many of you above, I'm also a SP since STBXH ran off with a third rate opera singer. I'm very proud that I've managed to not only not kill him, but maintain a functional and even cordial relationship with him and that our DCs have suffered as little as possible as a result.

I'm proud that I've learned to do all the little things he just used to automatically do, like driving to Scotland and changing lightbulbs and building flat pack bookcases and mowing the lawn. None of them difficult per se, but even three years on I still get a little thrill of independence every time I do them.

Oh and I started my own little baking business. It's not much, but it's mine!

My holidays are quite an achievement because I now go on them alone.

In two weeks, health problems permitting, I'm off to Rome for 3 days followed by a solo cruise round the med.

Then later this year Im going to Seattle before doing an Arctic Cruise followed by a weekend in Vancouver.

I just please myself as to how much interaction I have with others and I love my holidays.

Building flatpack etc and doing home maintenance hasn't been a problem because Ive done it for years as my husbands job meant very long periods away from home when I just had to get on with it.

Oh, and Ive also taken up Golf.

I have a nice life with loads of children and grandchildren to keep me busy and I've no wish to meet anyone and have a relationship. My life is full enough as it is.

Driving. Was so nervous about it. Went and bought a car and now actually drive it. And if I end up in the wrong lane I don't give a shit. Ex used to always belittle my driving. New boyfriend thinks I am an excellent driver (clearly not but nice that he is so blinded by love that he doesn't notice!)

Also for a while I got a small rush every time I noticed my new land line phone handset I bought myself from John Lewis seeing as he'd bought the last handset and I binned it as it was a piece of cheap crap. Also replaced my Xmas tree on the same basis.

I sorted out my MOT and fixed a tiny washer thing on my car that stopped me washing the windscreen properly.

Maintaining the cars was his 'job' = his excuse to spend all day Saturday tinkering with his and my car whilst I fed and entertained 3 DC, did the laundry, food shop etc.

Now I get to fix my car by myself, and it's not half as difficult or as stressful as I thought it would be - got it done in my lunch hour. His secrecy and big man attitude meant that I thought these things were beyond me.

Looking forward to getting divorced and buying my own house next!

Love this thread! You all are inspiring. Place marking so I can come back when I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed.

After leaving EA ex I brought up 3 DCs, have my own tool kit, laid a patio and rendered an outside wall, ripped out all the carpets and replaced with wood flooring myself, dealt with solicitors, found various p/t jobs - to fit in with school hours despite being told I was useless, retrained for my new career, moved with 3 DCs cross country, have all direct debits set up and out of my account, not panic when an unexpected bill comes through or a tooth crumbles (like yesterday ) and wondering how to pay for it, meeting the wonderful DP and being loved and overhearing future mil's partner describe me as the most genuine person he's ever met

We can do this MNetters! I was going to say ladies or girls but didn't want to piss anyone off!

Doing house admin, dealing with solicitors, assembling flat packs, spider removal etc always gives me a little boost It's the little things!

Driving on the motorway by myself was the first time I was properly like "WOW I am a responsible grown up! Go me!" - was married and a homeowner by then but something about it made me feel great! Felt the fear and did it anyway.

I have found pregnancy very empowering, hope to find impending labour even more so...! Eek! It's proven how healthy my body is after years (decades, and I'm only 25) of being ashamed of my weight.

On a related note, making sure I am as fit and healthy as possible is very empowering to me - taking control of diet and exercise, the feeling after a really intense workout, knowing you're doing all you can and having no excuses - love that!

Started up as a sole-trader. Had an awesome year of trading and have put it on the back-burner as am about to have a baby and move area, but just had a look at my website after reading this thread and was v impressed with myself . It's something I can just pick up again when we've settled in new area, and I'm itching to do so! Loved it.

I have been a single parent for 10 years now since my boy was 5 months old. I moved halfway up the country to improve my finances as it is cheaper to live where I am now until my finances pick up and I can then move to Kent.

It is incredible how empowering being a single parent is and how needy and dependent many wives are. I would not go so far as to say all wives are like that but quite possibly a good half of them or two thirds even.

Amazing huh.

You are stars all of you you really are!

A lot of these fantastic achievements have reminded me that everytime I do something new, that ex would have previously taken care of, I'm astounded how easy / simple it is whereas he would make such a big deal of it and expect praise , things like:

sorting out the garden / mowing the lawn. NOT HARD!
putting the rubbish and recycling out
paying the bills , not getting the money, the actual process of paying the bills he made such a huge deal of!!

getting dd ready for school was always his job, i do it now and even earlier as she goes to a child minder, but it's a breeze!

changing the beds. actually he never did that but when i relegated him to the spare room he refused to ever change his duvet cover and constantly moaned that i didn't do it as if it was the biggest thing to do in the world.

I love being a single parent. I'm totally knackered, but not miserable anymore!

This is a great thread.

1. Dealt with my shitty childhood, depression, etc etc by going through a course of CBT and these days I truly feel I have made peace with the past and it no longer affects my life.

1. Found a job I enjoy and got promoted within 4 months. Amazing achievement for someone previously chronically lacking in confidence.

1. I got into debt. Buried my head in the sand for years. I have now faced it head on and am paying it all off with a clear date as to when I will be debt free.

1. Emotionally tougher. I have dealt with my DP being unfaithful. I am now much more independent and I don't rely on him for my happiness any more.

1. TRYING to learn how to deal with spiders...this is a work in progress

Your post listing the plumbing Orlando reminded me I taught myself how to change a washer on a tap and to plumb in a washing machine. Bloody love youtube!

also leaving the wanker - took me years to make the move, but I feel so much better now

decorating the house - it's a slow process and its a bit crap, but I'm getting it done. I do it on my day without the children when H has them and it gives me a sense of fulfillment and stops me shopping and moping

doing all the childcare and everything for the children alone and seeing them happier

phoning the solicitor/gettin H off the bank accounts, sorting finances

exercising

getting out and seeing friends.

I bought some new lipstick too. It's very striking and bright and makes me feel good. (ok, that's a shallow one, but everything helps).

next thing is a holiday alone with the children.

I love this thread! Great idea.

1. Moved abroad on my own and set myself up with work/home/friends etc

1. Dealing with having an older bullying sister/messed up family (with the help of 2 years of counselling)

1. Run 3 marathons

1. Walked 500 miles across Spain

1. Doing well, and gaining respect at my job even though I always feel like I'm about to get into trouble (see point 2)

1. Studied for 3 degrees at once whilst working full time. And passed.

Loads more to do though. Like lose 4 stone. And stop biting my nails. And become a better friend. And learn to trust people.

Moved countries on my own.
Have travelled on my own, including to less safe countries.
Done a PhD. Got two separate scholarships to do it.
Got out of a DV marriage, at the onset of DV.
Had a child.
Raising DS to be a lovely boy and getting him out of his shell (so far, touch wood)
Have done Krav Maga and won best newcomer trophy. :)

I tend to be fairly confident and be good at things, though. Unless it involves heights or jumping.