What is the best contact arrangement on divorce?

[charlie9]

I am recently divorced with a 9 year old and 8 year old. My ex has stated he would like to have them overnight 4 nights in 14. He would like these to be every Wednesday and Saturday nights, although I'm not sure if this is too much backwards and forwards for the children. So I'm wondering if alternate weekends would work better, maybe Friday and Saturday night and then Thursday followed by the Monday after the weekend he doesn't have them. Does anyone have experience of what arrangement works best for the children?

Well, it is always very specific to DC involved:
How far will the journey be? (Will this be practical for school morning run)
Do they have regular clubs to take into account? (Will/ can these continue unhindered, does that "count" as access etc.
What arrangement lends itself to both parents work arrangements?
What about school holidays?

Well firstly, why only 4 nights not 7?

To be honest, although people can share their arrangements I think it all depends on the personalities of your children. And lots of children can adapt to several arrangements.

I actually think it's pretty important to think about what suits you, too. Long, like when you have a new partner. Personally I think every Sat means that neither of you ever get a totally free weekend. Fine if you are flexible with each other. But personally one of the only "up" sides to not having my child very day is getting to go away for the weekend occasionally. So my advice is to think about you.

My friend's kids switch houses really frequently. It would drive me nuts as a parent and I expect as a child! But their decision is so that they never go more than 2 days apart. And it works for them.

My arrangement is more flexible because I work abroad. So she does Sun-Thu in week one, and Wed night only in week two and three, three week pattern. Occasional weekends with him - maybe 1 in 4 or 5? Frankly none, when he didn't have a girlfriend he wanted to play superdad to

Some people would think my arrangement is a bit of to and fro, but my 6yo is happy. She very much sees herself as having two homes, not one that she lives in and one which she visits.

Every other weekend would be better than every Saturday. Gives each of you full weekends with the children and full weekends without. But your week day arrangements suggestions sound over complicated. Is there any problem with every Wednesday?

In you situation I'd probably go ever Wednesday and every other weekend. Gives you all space to breathe and routine. We started that way eow and one day. Now at 50% as he's nearer. Hard to do but I believe that its best for my children to have equal access if possible (despite the fact I loath him)! As long as it doesn't impact on the children's everyday lives. There are upsides and it is def better to have a couple of days than every sat free as you have more flexibility

The best is 50%, and people do manage this. The next best is every other weekend and a weeknight. Not every weekend otherwise one parent gets all the "fun" time and the other gets the homework etc. Every Saturday sounds a bit like that too, as Friday night is wind down from the week and maybe get homework done, and Sunday night is get ready for school and do the homework you "forgot" night.

We started off with something similar. I think it's good to keep contract frequent at first in particular. But after a while we switched to alternate weekends, with a Monday night on the other week. That's worked well and gives us both a full weekend with and without the kids.

The regular Saturday night off might be nice if you don't go away much and like to go out socially on a Saturday. I think the most important option is to try to be flexible with each other, and adapt to what seems to be working best for your DC - they're old enough to tell you if they're finding the arrangements mean too much chopping and changing. And do take into account your own needs and preferences too, and those of your ex.