suspect affair

[londoneria]

Hello,
Need some advise please. We are married (happily I thought) with kids in infant school. Both working opposite ends of the day so one of us is always there for children Over the last month have suspected other half of having an affair.

Have been snoopingn(I know maybe I was better off not knowing) and what I've found seems to confirm suspicion.
Going out on evening when supposed to be working (messages indicated thanks for a nice night etc) lunch dates, lots of messages between each other that are then deleted) and have now found hotel receipts for dates when other half supposed to be with mates.

If I hadn't of snooped I would be none the wiser (other than suspicion)
Do I confront or hope whatever is happening fizzles out. I want the marriage to work and don't want to lose other half but trust has now gone....
Feeling very sad and confused....

Tell her you know (don't clarify what) and tell her you want the full truth from her, it's important to you. Then let her fill the silence. Don't talk. Listen.

Expect her to lie and to minimise. I can only think of one time on here when the cheat held up their hands immediately and disclosed everything.

(I mean, expect to lie and minimise if she's guilty. Obviously there may be a very simple and innocent explanation that you're immediately convinced by and know to be true).

Thank you Vivacia. Hope you are right

I hope everything turns out ok.

What did you last night by the way? Wasn't there a bit of an atmosphere?

No atmosphere last night as she was at work. We work opposite hours so one of us is available for children. We thought that was best for them but has possibly made it easier to stray as our time together is limited.

You sound very calm. I hope you are OK. You've had a massive shock.

I don't know how you manage to have sex 1-2 times a week with those hours. I don't manage that, and we're in together nearly every night. Impressed! But not with her.

Pick a time to confront her when you both have a couple of hours overlap. Say you know something is going on and want to know what it is...don't say how you know, or what you know. Give her a chance to come clean. Don't let her delay talking till 'tomorrow'.

If she doesn't mention hotels, produce photocopy of receipts (not actual thing in case she rips them or notices they are missing) and ask what they are about. Unless she is a very good liar, she will be caught out and you will be able to tell.

Thanks Merrymarigold.
She must be a good liar! God knows how long this has been going on (start ofvthe year at least judging by hotel receipts) and I had no idea until a few weeks ago
Have no idea how she has managed to maintain what I thought was a normal relationship!

Get your ducks in a row and confront her at the weekend. Have someone watch the kids for a couple of hours. They don't need to see this.

Would never do it in front of children. Have never argued in front of them and won't start now. Tomorrow is D Day once the children are in bed.
Right had better leave work and go back to my sham of a marriage so I can take over the children for another night

Hello...ive read through your thread...after what you have found, things arnt looking good unfortunatley. Your last post was you saying you are going to talk it through with your wife this evening. I hope everything goes well (as much as it can) and just stay calm throughout, whatever the outcome is. Good luck. X

'Good luck' tonight, London. That sounds weird, but I just hope she is honest and broken and repentant.

How did it go with your wife?