Do you think sex is to do with love and respect or can it just be removed from the both?

[giraffeski]

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I agree with Bugsy, you can have one without the other

self respect - definatley

but a good shag is a good shag.
it doesnt have to be all candles and massages.
sometimes a good old screw is in order
IMO.

I think a lot of women pretenbd they can handle one without the other, convince themselves they are in control, i think they theb work out they are suffering, or regret it.

Or they are shocked they dont get a phonecall, r a date, or a relationship,

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Expat, some people choose not to have sex until they love someone but I don't think that this necessarily means that the two are not completely separate things.
If you love someone just because you have sex, then you are confusing love with lust. I can't see how anyone can argue otherwise.

I personally can't separate love and sex, but I can see how it is possible. Respect, though, is IMO absolutely essential, in any sexual encounter.

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I would agree w/you there, FF.

I used to be that way.

But then I got tired of feeling rejected for nothing.

And still felt the need ofr a good screw every now and again, however.

So the less I knew them, the better. And I made sure to get rid of them or get out before I learned too much about them.

B/c I didn't trust myself to be able to divorce my feelings from what I was doing.

So I'd move on asap.

Respect in the sense of respecting the other as a human being, possibly being aware that they might have different expectations to you and being able to handle those, and yourself in that you do not do anything you would deeply regret afterwards.

I do regret some of the encounters I had.

Mostly b/c I sort of wished I maybe got to know the person better before leaping into bed w/them, and that sort of ruined it.

I also had sex w/a man several times who I knew had a girlfriend.

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I didn't have respect for them, giraffeski, anymore than I had respect for myself by shagging them.

I'm a pretty good judge of character, however, and I figure 9 out of 10 of them were as mixed up and lost as I was.

heh - i had sex for a while with a married guy who had 3 kids. i WAS the other woman. i'm not especially proud of it, but why the fuck should we police them? it was his choice to have sex with me.

of course, if i was a better person, i would've said no. but i'm not. she never found out as far as i know.

actually, it's funny - i bumped into his sister really randomly a while ago, and told her to say hi from me. hopefully it gave him a jolt and reminded him that these things have a habit of coming back and biting you on the arse!

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Some of my memories are rather painful, but some just as good.

Two in particular are quite piquant memories indeed. One time in which I, for some reason, ignored my own better judgement - indeed it didn't even register. Gawd, how f*cked up I was at the time - and didn't shoo my lover off out of my hotel room.

He wound up staying w/me for three days and I've never felt so naked and exposed.

I recently had a long tern relationship end which had multiple issues however having understood most of them there is one thing I can't understand? My ex partner was abosute in her belief at love is sex and you cannot love without sex. Unfortunately this means you cant give her love without sex which to me would suggest a strange emotion as love and sex you different chemicals in different parts of the brain for emotional response. Any thoughts, mine range from abuse to sex addict or relationship addict as it should be called.

Regards A

Respect in the sense of respecting the other as a human being, possibly being aware that they might have different expectations to you and being able to handle those, and yourself in that you do not do anything you would deeply regret afterwards.

Wise words foundintranslation. I started another thread recently about precisely this - sex outside a relationship. I really don't want to do anything I'd regret, I have too much respect for myself (and I hope other people) for that. Would never knowingly have sex with someone attached for that reason

I know how that feels expat...you have to be tough and know what the ground-rules are.

This is a very odd old thread.