Name change here.
Please can you give me some honest advice to put my marriage back on the rails. I can't talk to IRL friends as my DH would hate the thought of me talking about our stuff to other people.
We've been together for 20 years, married for 13, have two children. On paper, things could not be much better. Kids are at an easy age, no longer waking at night or needing us 24/7, but not stroppy or hormonal yet either. We are well off, we both have jobs, we have a nice house. Our parents are getting older but are in decent health, as are we and the children.
It's dawned on me that we never laugh together any more, and we spend an awful lot of time sniping and arguing over petty crap. The downside of both working is that life seems so busy. Mornings have to be a fearsome routine to get everyone out the door on time with the things they need . Evenings I am usually ferrying the kids to/from sports or clubs, DH gets home at their bedtime, we do dinner, we wash up, one of us might go to the gym or out for a run, we make packed lunches, it's late.
We used to sit and watch TV together at the end of the evening but in recent months I have felt both physically and emotionally tired. In the evenings I crave a bit of space, some peace in bed with a good book. It feels like my "treat" at the end of a long working day, dealing with other people's needs both at work and in the family. If I stay up, I start getting wound up by things and find it hard to get to sleep when I go to bed.
I talked to DH at the weekend and he said he feels unhappy but he doesn't know why when on paper everything is the best it has ever been for us. We both feel unappreciated and frustrated at work, and have quite stressful jobs, but there are a lot of good things about our jobs as well (not least they are both quite flexible about childcare etc so we can move our hours around) and we both know how lucky we are to have jobs and a good income.
We prioritise family time together at the weekends but it doesn't feel happy any more. He said he feels like I never want to do anything, that he always suggests things and all I do is come up with reasons why not. I feel like we work our bloody socks off all week and we need relaxing weekends without rushing around fitting too much in. He gets stressed being at home because he hates untidiness and our house is never perfectly tidy. I get stressed because I am naturally very untidy and feel like I spend my life tidying up and it's never good enough.
I just feel like we both need a bloody good shake to somehow get us out of a negative rut and back to being friends again :( At bottom we love each other and we both adore our children, and I don't think the problem is between us particularly. It's just the whole thing - we're miserable, and we're making each other miserable rather than helping each other.
Help, please......................................
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Relationships
Why are we both so unhappy?
17 replies
MaxiPriestess · 28/04/2015 10:27
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