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Original poster

What do you make of this ?

23 replies

gonegirlagain · 28/04/2015 09:43

Hi all just needing others perspectives on this.
I've been seeing a guy now for a few months. Cut a long story short I meet his daughter for the first time a few days ago. All went well. I stayed over as I have done several times before. She was also there as it was her weekend to stay. This guy said no prob with you staying but be out before daughter wakes up.. Ok I said no worries... However I slept in !! When I woke his daughter had already left for school!. I texted him to tell him what had happened and said I hoped she was okay and not upset by this.. Heard nothing back now since I asked that question !! Oh god what do you all think ??

OP posts:
Ragwort · 28/04/2015 09:52

Where was he when you slept in?

To be honest I just don't think you should have stayed the night when his DD was there, and at the very least you should have set an alarm. You have only been seeing him for a 'few months' - it is far too early to sleep at his house if you only met the DD a few days ago.

He might be cross about the situation and not want to see you again, but he shouldn't have put you in the situation where you stayed over night. I think you both sound a bit irresponsible and more worried about your love sex life than the DD. Sad.

Original poster
gonegirlagain · 28/04/2015 09:55

He had gone to work.
Thanks for your response but I can assure you that neither of us are irresponsible !
You may not get this but it actually was not about sex.
Hmm if anything I was stupid to sleep in but really is this justification of it being the end Confused

OP posts:
Maroonie · 28/04/2015 09:59

It should either be okay for you to stay and be there in the morning or he should have said you couldn't stay.
Expecting you to sneak out is odd and surely confusing for his DD?
Whether it was too soon to stay or not isn't really the point. But the way it was handled doesn't sound right to me.

Ragwort · 28/04/2015 10:04

What was it about then? Whether or not you had sex that particular night/morning may or may not be relevant but the fact is that both of you felt it was 'important' for you to sleep at his house when his daughter was staying there. Were you sharing a bedroom or in the guest room/on the sofa?

I do think that is irresponsible - of course you can think what you like but perhaps your boyfriend is now regretting his decision to invite you to stay that particular night - he said he wanted you to 'be out before his daughter woke up' and you weren't. That is irresponsible.

Maroonie · 28/04/2015 10:08

How long have you been waiting for a reply?
Would you usually have heard from him by now?
If it's a big enough deal for him to end things then that's up to him I suppose, but ignoring you and not discussing it is poor form

SycamoreMum · 28/04/2015 10:14

Sticky situation OP. You made a mistake about not being out before she got up, however its not entirely your fault.

If the dad knew his DD might be a bit Confused about the relationship then he shouldn't have let you met her just yet. He's her father, shes not your responsibility.

If you've apologised, leave it at that. Thats all you can do really.

Original poster
gonegirlagain · 28/04/2015 10:16

I've been waiting since yesterday Confused teatime ish !
I appreciate I must have upset her by being there. I remember how I was at that age !
However I was not up and about humming round the kitchen so it could have been worse... Ahh what a situation !

OP posts:
Original poster
gonegirlagain · 28/04/2015 10:37

And yes I am getting worried now :-( when I say a few months I actually met him last October !

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 28/04/2015 10:40

Why not just call him?

FruChristerOla · 28/04/2015 10:45

He should have woken you up when he got up so you would both have left the house at the same time.

Presumably she's a teen, if he leaves for work before she leaves for school? And if she'd already left for school when you got up, are you sure she knew you were there? Would she have gone into his bedroom knowing that he'd already left?

OK, you were honest and apolgised for over-sleeping, but she might not have realised you were in the house (assuming you were in his room and not on the sofa).

But I agree with PPs that it was his responsibility to handle the situation better.

Original poster
gonegirlagain · 28/04/2015 11:09

Yes agree it should have been handled better from both sides ! Lesson learnt !!
But what to do now ?
I am still awaiting a reply !

OP posts:
DonVitoCorleone · 28/04/2015 11:11

Ring him?

HellKitty · 28/04/2015 11:14

Call him?
Bit odd for him not to have replied though. Is he normally slow with texts?

shewept · 28/04/2015 11:18

I agree with pps. It's either ok for you to stay or not. She is obviously old enough to get herself up and out. So she is old enough for her dad to have had a conversation with her.

But you want to know what to do now. I would ring him and speak to him. If he doesn't take your call or respond, I would assume he wants to end the relationship. But if he does want to end it over this without actually speaking to you and letting you know it's done, it's probably for the best.

Is there a possibility he thinks you did it on purpose? From the OP it sounds like you asked and he said yes with conditions, but you didn't stick to them. Could that by why he doesn't want to speak to you. Assuming that he is doing that.

BuzzardBird · 28/04/2015 11:20

The whole situation has been badly handled. He shouldn't have asked you to stay the very first time you met his dd. His x is probably livid. He did ask you to stay though so he should be supporting you now, if he cared so much about you not over-sleeping he should have got you up. He may think you did it deliberately.
The long and short of it is though that he is ignoring you which doesn't bode well for your future together.
I would call him, find out where you stand and get on with your life.

ImperialBlether · 28/04/2015 11:24

Was your car there? Your bag in the living room? Would she have known you were there? Had you actually told her you'd be going home in the evening?

madamg · 28/04/2015 11:26

I think how old she is and how long her parents have been split up for has a bearing on how reasonable this is.

I think he needs to let you know what if anything is wrong one way or another and where you stand.

Original poster
gonegirlagain · 28/04/2015 11:31

I really don't want to put any more details on here for fear of "outing" self ! Blush
Sometime yes he can be very slow to reply to texts ! Hmm ive said sorry, not much more I can do is there ? Thing is really do like him !
I've got to just wait it out haven't I.
Thanks for all replies :-)

OP posts:
shewept · 28/04/2015 11:34

Or ring him?

BuzzardBird · 28/04/2015 12:48

Ignoring you is not a nice trait though is it?

Original poster
gonegirlagain · 28/04/2015 12:59

No buzzard it's not a nice trait ! :-(

OP posts:
BuzzardBird · 28/04/2015 13:31

Well, instead of being scared that he has dumped you you should tell him how angry you are at being messed around. It's not all your fault gone, it was ok for you to warm his bed, why should you then have to leave like a dirty secret?
He can't have it both ways.

You deserve respect too.

CheersMedea · 28/04/2015 13:41

Just out of interest, why didn't you call him rather than text him?

Speaking to people about things that matter is usually better for all kinds of reasons - not least because you can read their reaction and respond to expressed concerns. It also doesn't leave a paper trail to be poured over.

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