This is my first post, but you don't have to be gentle because I was being a bastard and I absolutely hate myself for it.
My story. I've been together with my wife for about 10 years and we have 1 DS. Things haven't been great for a few years, but I absolutely love my DW, and my family is the most important thing to me. I've been a bit disconnected from my DW partially due to mismatch of sex drives. My DW would be OK having sex once a month and she never initiates it, while I am quite happy to do it twice a day. We talked numerous times over the last 7-8 years regarding this. I mentioned, in fact begged, that we need some romance in our life where we show each other by words and actions that we care for and love each other. We've agreed, as a compromise, to have sex, roughly, twice a week. However, that didn't last long and we're back to squre one on this issue. This is the background.
I've known a woman through my hobby for about 4 years now. The first time I met her, I was quite attracted to her and we hit it off straight. We used to meet each other through our hobby and mutual friends once a week. We've become quite close friends during this period, but I always had feelings for her. I presume the feeling's were mutual from her too, but we both respected my situation of being a married man without ever verbalising it. Apart from this, we're quite open in our communication and nearly nothing is out of bounds in our conversation. I know that we'd be compatible emotionally and sexually. A couple of years aog, after a few drinks I expressed my feelings to her and she said that she felt the same. The next day after the alcohol wore off, I was quite shocked that I blurted out my feelings and was scared that I am putting my marriage and family at risk. Consequently I reduced my partake in the hobby and meeting this woman to about once a month (compared to once a week). I felt that it was working until recently when we went out with a few friends. Both of us were a bit merry, but not drunk, and I said that I love her and we shared a passionate kiss. However, thankfully we stopped at that. At that time it felt great and I felt I was alive. However, since then I've been quite angry with myself. I feel guilty that I did this to my wife. Even though we didn't have sex, I feel I cheated on my lovely DW. I feel I've let everyone down and I am finding quite difficult to cope with the guilt. My feelings are all over the place. My DW thought that my mood is because of a work related issue. I was quite close in disclosing to her on an occasion, but didn't (If she finds out she'd be devastated and almost certianly would be the end of our marriage). I've now decided to cut down on meeting my friend even further (stopping one-to-one completely), because now I feel that I don't trust myself. However, I am meeting some mutual friends in the next two weeks, who'd be here for a short visit. My friend will also be there and I am dreading it.
Although I have strong feelings for my friend leaving my wife is not an option. The reason I am posting this is to seek some advise and your opinions as to how I can untangle myself from this messy situation.