dont know what I should do - stay or leave?

[Beaverfeaver2]

Been with DH for 15 years, married for 3.
We are both 30.

Decided to start to try for a family last June.
Since then it's been ongoing doctors appointments and have found out that I probably won't be able to have children.
For the past two months I am really struggling, I know he is too.

We agreed that I would go part time at work to try and help with my stress levels.

I have since found that the more I work and the longer I am away from DH the happier I am. The less I think about the problems.

This has upset DH and he is questioning me and wanting me to spend more time with him.

At the moment that feels like the last thing j want.

He has booked a holiday for us, and he is looking forward to it but I am dreading being with just him for a week.

I don't want to look at him, talk to him and feel like I want to run away.

I don't even know if I feel any love for him any more.
If he touches me it makes me cringe.

Is it just a phase or is this it for us?
Should I move out?

Do you think possibly your feelings about not being able to conceive have become mixed into your feelings about your DH? And that by escaping into work you are also escaping your emotional disappointment? (Not that there's anything wrong with being able to bury yourself in work from time to time.) Are there other problems in your relationship that make you feel as though it's run its course?

I'm not too sure.
The trouble of not being able to conceive seems to be somewhat of a releif at the moment.

There are other problems that recently have become more of a concern to me:

He is very snappy. He is highly strung and 'tells me off' about stuff a lot of the time.
He has no shame in doing this in front of people.
People who then feel uncomfortable about witnessing it.

He has put on weight, and drinks a lot.

I can't talk to him about this though as the same has happened to me, although I am working very hard at it and I feel I am improving.

So you've both been together since you were 15...

Maybe it has come to the end of the road for you and finding out you have fertility issues has put it into sharp focus.

Listen to your feelings.

Oh, and it's awful that he puts you down in front of others. And as for the "telling you off".... well, I'd be telling him to fuck off right there!
He is treating you like a little child.

I'm so scared of being alone.
I never have been as an adult

Just as all my friends are settling down together, I'm feeling like this.

I don't know where I would go, or how I could afford to leave and support myself on my own

Our families would be upset

If we separate it will mean I definitely have to leave my house doesn't it?
I can't afford the mortgage on my own.
I have a dog and a cat and I would hate to end up somewhere where they couldn't come with me

I would not leave right now, you have both suffered a huge disappointment.

Is he snappy because he's just found out he may never become a father and is struggling to cope? Are you withdrawing because you have found out you may never become a mother and are struggling to cope?

This may well be the greatest test of your marriage and you may only get through it with counseling.

You are still young - I didn't meet my current hubby til I was 29 - you can move on with your life, be happy & meet someone who you want to be with. Look at your options if you were to leave - do you have any savings you can use? Is your job paying enough or can you do better elsewhere? Get proactive and if you really want to leave then be practical & positive.