Am I overreacting?

[Abitlost2015]

Married 10 years, 3 children together. I work part time and do all the child care, dh works long hours.

So, because of this arrangement the dc spend most of their time with me and I am the one they usually go to when there's a problem.

My dh says I am "too soft" when it comes to discipline. He believes children should do what they are told by a parent immediately. I am happy for my suggestions to be challenged and enjoy talking and reaching agreements.

So, yesterday dc1 and dc2 were arguing and they came to me for help. The conversation was heated and whilst we were trying to sort it out dh came down (was working in his office upstairs) and asked dc2 (who had shouted) to come upstairs with him. He shouted at her telling her to stop shouting, she didn't, both got angrier and he then told her to get out the house and come back when not angry. Dc2 is 7, she went out as she was, no shoes and no coat. He told her "whilst you are angry you don't have a house" and locked her out. I said I didn't like her being out, I didn't like him saying she has no house and she was cold. He said she needs to learn who is the boss. After a while dc1 was concerned and went out. Dc2's foot was bleeding from being out without shoes, she told me, I told dh and he finally let her in.

We've had differences of opinion about how to sort out dc1 and 2 arguing but nothing like this before. I think it's very wrong, am I overreacting?

It was totally wrong and abusive.

"He shouted at her telling her to stop shouting"
How ironic.

"whilst you are angry you don't have a house"
So she is not allowed to have feelings. BAD. Not good at all. So so damaging.

That's awful. You can't expect a 7 year old to leave the house.

Maybe you and do need to sit down and draw up some house rules you'll both agree to. Ie. What's appropriate, sanctions ( naughty step, withdrawal of privileges etc).

No, you are not over-reacting. That was physical and emotional cruelty.

I am totally shocked by your post, is your DH usually such a fucking bully?

After a while dc1 went out?? How long did you leave the child outside in the cold with no shoes on??

by leave the house did he mean leave the garden? saying something had happened?

Why on earth didn't YOU let her back in straight away.

Shocking and abusive behavior I am shocked you allowed it shame on both of you

Bloody awful.

dh sounds thoroughly unpleasant! i think he's the one who needs locking out

That's abusive

What was his childhood like? It sounds as it he's beating your DC with the same stick he was beaten with! (metaphorically speaking)

You need to have a serious word with him. Good luck.

No, that is no acceptable behaviour towards a 7 yr old. I understand your DH's frustrations and think that children should obey a parent without question although there is leeway in that if the situation is not clear cut. I do expect my DC to be quiet if I have told them to for example. However I think that your DH's behaviour was beyond overreacting. It is not ok to tell a child they don't have a house or to send them outside at the age of 7. Tbh I would not react in that way to a 14 yr old. I just think as pocketsaviour said that sort of behaviour and those words are damaging.
When I was a child of about 10 I was being lippy to my mum on the bus journey home from the shops. She had enough and flipped and said don't come home with me, go away. I was petrified, upset and hurt whilst understanding that I had been in the wrong. I completely believed that she had really had enough of me as a daughter and wanted me gone. She walked one way in a temper and I believing her walked the other way sobbed down an alleyway. She came after me a few mins later but I had walked quite far and scared her. We talked after but it never happened again. It was not sometime that was good for our relationship though.
Try and talk to your OH and make him see that it will cause underlying damage. It does not have to change his views on obedience but just the way he talks to your DC.

Thank you all.
No, he does not usually behave like this.
Yes, out was out in the garden.
Yes, he had a difficult childhood.
Yes, I am ashamed of myself for letting it happen.
Thanks for the suggestion, I need to sit down with him and talk.
I won't be coming back, I just wanted to make sure what seemed like a crazy nightmare was as outrageous as it was in my mind.

He sounds like a prick.

If your child goes to school tomorrow and tells them that her dad made her feet bleed and kicked her out of the house..they will pull you about it.

My dad made me leave the house at that sort of age. I no longer bother with him OR the mother that stood back while it happened.
So think on.

I can't believe it took a CHILD not a MOTHER to check on her.

So he can shout and she can't.
He should apologise both for his behaviour!

Oh my god. He sounds like a horrible man. Does he have a chemical imbalance or something? And more importantly what are you doing to make sure this never happens to your children again?!

What worries me is that you needed to make sure you weren't overreacting. That's something those who have never had unhealthy relationships don't tend to understand.

Yes, he had a difficult childhood.

So did I. I don't use it as an excuse to bully small children.

He is abusive. And immediate obedience only benefits parents. It doesn't prepare kids to live in the world.

Absolutely shocking behaviour from a dad. Her feet bleeding from being out? You are her mother, how did you leave her out? Plain abuse from you dh.

Yes if she tells her teacher you could have as on your back.