Hi i am new on here, so not to sure if to posting in the right place.
I read so many threads on forums about women in abusive relationships, being treated so bad, but are so scared to leave and start again. I was there trapped couldn't see away out. I just wanted to give a brief outline to my journey in the hope it will help some-one.
i started to be controlled by my ex's from around the time i had my 2nd daughter, it started off slowly, little things and through out the 20 years it got worse, it just became my norm and i learnt to survive, hold down a job, and raise my beautiful daughters. He was paranoid, very bad tempter, controlling, his rules, his house. He had me hit a few times, but always very sorry after, with the normal promises it would not happen again.
But it was not him hitting me that kept me down or affected me, it was the verbal abuse, the paranoir and the threats that got me down, that affected me, that made me loose my confidence, that stopped me sleeping, the verbal abuse is the one thing that truly broke me.
Things got worse when i told him at christmas i was leaving and didn't love him no more, we hadn't properly talked for months. He went abroad couple of months before with one of his family members and told me the day before he went and had put camera's up outside the house, he said he was going for a few days, wouldn't tell us when he would be back and eventually ended up staying for 3 weeks. He did me a favour that day, and would like to thank him for that.
I realised how bad things had got, that i did not love him and this was not how a relationship was meant to be. I got a taste of
what not being stressed, not walking on egg shells, not be scared felt like, to be at ease in the house, to go out and come home with out the 3rd degree.
I change when he got back, i was stronger and more determining to get out, to break free. I contacted women's aid spoke with advisors on a few occasions over the phone when he had been a s... I started to see a support worker with WA, and started to make plans on leaving, i applied to the council, i was accepted. But things with him had got worse, probably due to the fact that he knew i had fell out of love and was being stronger and a lot more distant from him, i wasn't bothered about keeping the peace anymore, i was going to get out. For about 2 months before i left he started to pin me down and grab me were he shouldn't and try to do thing he shouldn't be doing, but i stayed strong and fought back and would push him off me, i was covered in bruises on my body from where he had grab me, pushed me and pinned me down, twice he had bruised my face, but to him, he would say he was play fighting, he did not mean it, it just wanted me as he loved me - oh yes... Love ain't force.
i had enough and with help and support from a support worker with WA, i got out and went into a refuge. I didn't want to go, it was hard and took a couple of months of deciding to do it, i felt trapped, scared, it was like an elastic band something would pulled me back and i felt i could not escape.
Something inside snapped one day when i had met up with the support worker and i just went i am doing it, i will go to a refuge, and my support worker got me a place.
It was hard going home and trying to get some stuff together, getting my youngest daughter as i hadn't told her as i was advised not to till we were in the car. I was shaking so much, he was in the house and trying to be nice, as he had bruised my face from one of his play fights. I told him i was going to my sister's with the kids for a couple of days and i was picking my eldest up from work. I got stuff into the car that i could, he started to kick off, i had my car keys in my hand and my daughter and i just jumped in the car and left.
No it ain't easy, it was the hardest thing i had done, it as only been a few weeks, i am still in refuge, i have had to go on sick from work, my youngest daughter is out of the school at the moment, but school have been so supportive and i do school work with her. My friends and family have told me how much better i look, how much happier i seem, and it is true it is like a big cloud as been lifted, i am happier and more relaxed and i can actually smile, with out it being a fake smile.
I suppose what i am trying to say in this message, to women out there who are in an abusive relationship, please get help speak to someone, professionals, friends, family. For me my support from everyone who i spoke to from Women's Aid have been amazing and if it wasn't for the support i received from the support worker, i would probably still be trapped in the house and be unhappy.