Is this enough people for my children?

[saltnpepa]

My family is a disaster so although I come from a big family our children don't really see them, they are very toxic and abusive so I have created a distance. I worry that my children don't have enough people in their lives and am wondering if I am being over sensitive.

My DP has a brother with a wife and 3 kids who we see every 3 months or so for a weekend and they are lovely people and the children all adore each other. I have two old lifelong friends, who both have children and we visit them maybe twice a year. I have a head-case of a mother who visits once every year and upsets everyone but they at least get to see their Nanna. The children all have best friends at school and are part of bigger groups of kids and DD has friends from outside school activities. I have abut 5 good friends locally who I meet for lunch etc and very good relationships at work. My DP has good friends at work who he socialises with but doesn't bring these friends home. The children have friends come to the house about twice a month to play although I imagine this will get more regular as they get older. Twice a year we have a big party and have a house full.

Am I depriving my children of my toxic extended family or does this seem to be enough? The children have never expressed loneliness or feeling isolated and are both good at making friends. I just worry sometimes

No one is infinitely better than a toxic person.

I have no family I see and only exchange cards with an uncle. No way would there be any benefit to introducing the toxic relatives to my kids just so they have family. Quality in this case, not quantity and good friends are better than bad relatives.

My children see no one but one set of grandparents and very occasionally their uncle and his partner. Maybe once a year they see DH's aunties and uncles and their kids and grand kids.

That's loads of people! DH and I both have quite large extended families but we live away from them so we only see relatives once a month or even less. They don't seem especially deprived and we see plenty of people on a day to day basis. We're the sort of little family who really likes spending some time just as us at weekends though so it suits us just fine.

I see no issue at all! What matters is that people in your children's lives are good for them (supportive, loving, stable)

I also forgot an aunt and uncle they see about twice a year. Months and months can go by though without them seeing any extended family but what can I do? I can't invent them can I?

You are doing better than me.

It sounds fine. Better a few nice people than people who might use or hurt your kids to get at you or to satisfy their own needs.

What I do think is important is to show children how to behave, and if you and your family can't manage interactions without upsets then don't see them and don't feel bad. I've ballsed things up recently by stupidly letting my brother into my house when the kids were there because I felt guilty.