Have you ever come across a Sociopath / Psychopath?

[Bursarymum]

I've been reading 'The Sociopath Next Door'. And it got me thinking. Psychopathic killers are rare but it seems those without any conscience are not so rare.

3 that I can think off, off the top of my head. One cousin, drop out dope head, no qualifications, no job, no prospects, hasn't cottoned on yet to the fact that he WILL keep getting sanctioned if he doesn't cooperate with the job centre.

one colleague, absolute relentless bully, very devious, there was never any evidence, but i wouldn't give him what he wanted, so he threatened my family, stole from me and beat me repeatedly, all on school grounds.

And also, unfortunately, my DS's closest friend, who is no longer allowed in my home unless I am there to watch him like a hawk. he is the only one that I know of that has been diagnosed, although the other two might be, I wouldn't know.

Narc mum also did the thing of using her own name all the time. It's funny, I've been writing a narc character recently and had given her that trait without analysing it.

Charis what is it about your ds1 friend that causes you to behave in that way? Genuine question

how much he has stolen from us, money, alcohol, tampons! the fact that he has hurt his little brother in ways I do not personally believe are accidental. His father also does not believe they were accidental, although his mother does. (They are separated). The fact that if he chooses one course of action, there is NOTHING that can be done to stop him, except the use of force, normally be his father and stepfather combined. For example, walking into pubs, picking up other peoples pints and downing them in one. His mother and step father couldn't get him out, they had to call his father to help. ( he is 13)

and yes, he was very very ill, hospitalised, in fact.

He has been diagnosed as a psychopath. He is receiving treatment. he says it is helping. I will wait and see, meanwhile, I don't trust him an inch. He is very clever academically, but will look you straight in the face and lie and lie and lie, and he MUST absolutely KNOW that you will find out he is lying, but he doesn't seem to care about what will happen later on that day when you do.

DeckSwabber:

"- utter disregard for others views/perspectives/opinions (unless it suits him). It's almost as if he can't comprehend that other people's minds work independently.

• believes his own lies. I've caught him out several times and when confronted will simply deny things even if I have rock-solid proof.
• never, ever apologises. Ever. Even if he does something obviously wrong (such as breaking something) he will laugh but won't apologise.
• blames others for any problems and will lie to cover up for his own failings.
• very convincing if you don't know him. Very charming and disarming.
• will tell people who are upset around him that they have mental health problems and should get counselling. He'll even offer to go with them."

This rings bells with my experiences.

I have worked for one ( a certain media tycoon who 'fell overboard').
I was very junior and not there long, but long enough to see what he was.

I was unlucky enough to work for another, closely, and got to know him very well. He was a fraudster on a huge scale and had no empathy for anyone but himself. I watched him mentally torture a young 21 year old girl who'd had a very very fragile background (which he knew about) who he sexually abused and he just kept coming back and destroying her self esteem / job prospects / safe house etc - again and again. Like a cat with a mouse. And then some.

I have worked for one ( a certain media tycoon who 'fell overboard').

The same media tycoon who supported woman's refuges and gave up his home at short notice to one? the same media tycoon who evacuated the Jewish population of Iraq when they were threatened with extermination? I came across him, and found him very empathetic?

Maybe, Charis? I wouldn't like to say.
I can only speak from my experience.

well, I didn't spend enough time with him to actually get to know him personally.

If he died at sea why can't you name him?

Some sociopaths 'learn' by watching how others react to acts of kindness/generosity/philanthropy etc. They see the positive response and try to get the same reaction. They do grand acts of generosity in public, at little cost to themselves.

Same person would walk past someone in the street who needs help, or a member of their own family.

I think we know who she means. Didn't the Beatles have a song about 'his' Silver Hammer.

Robert Maxwell scared the shit out of me, as did his cascade of henchmen. He embezzled my pension.

EssexMummy123 I've been searching MN for the thread were a sociopath answered questions but canMt find it. Could you post a link?

It was in Chat. I think it will have disappeared by now. She was great :)

Yes - an evil man I know who treated his children with pure sadism. No empathy.

Another - a bullying boss who was full of superficial charm but who took great pleasure in treating his staff with cruelty. His staff were terrified of him.

Finally, a son of a friend who has dedicated his life to being a con artist. He has spent most of his life in prison and has ruined a lot of lives.

My ex I believe.
Also a guy I still on occasion speak to - very smart but pretty emotionless really.

My father and my brother, although my brother is more functional and without the clues from seeing my father I might not have picked it up.

I also knew a lady who was utterly charming and could get people to believe anything at all even when the evidence said otherwise. I have many many examples such as faking cancer and other illnesses when it suited bit she was really good fun and a real Queen Bee so if she liked you you were " in " socially. Luckily for me I could see what she was and was able to handle her to a certain extent but I did have to withdraw when it got too much. She was brilliant at seeing when people were starting to doubt her and would always get in with a preemptive strike so the lady who accused her of forging her signature wasn't believed as it was bitter grapes at her husband for making a pass at psycho lady for example. Or the staff member complaining about not being paid was stealing from work.

She is actually in prison at the moment, despite getting pg as soon as the charges were brought probably in an attempt to avoid jail. As she had a full hysterectomy due to her cancer this was quite a miracle but some people even believed her when she said she never claimed to have cancer - another friend used to look after her children and drive her to the hospital for treatment but apparently " made the whole thing up to divert from the fact that her husband was abusing her"
She is doing 3 years and by all accounts is having a great time and is still Queen Bee in prison!!!

I also believe that I have pretty strong psychopathic tendencies.
I often have to think " what should I feel now, how should I react to this?"
I also have what I call my " inner psychopath" who quite frankly has some awful thoughts and terrifying ideas but I am totally in control and I neither like or want to have these feelings and I know they are totally wrong so would never act on it. I don't think I am actually capable of hurting anyone though. If I feel wronged I get absolutely furious but it manifests in an icy calm rather than a huge rant, I can hold a grudge forever over something quite minor.
I don't really feel guilt unless it's with someone I really love or like and there aren't many people in that category. Strangely though I am very moral, which I think is largely down to being seen to do the right thing more than anything else.
I can also shut off my emotions very easily, in fact sometimes it's harder to switch them on.
Despite this I'm very popular and successful, I am generally a nice person and will help people out should I choose to or if I think it's the " right" thing to do according to societies rules but it's impossible to emotionally blackmail me or persuade me to do anything I don't want to.
None of this is a problem, I have plenty of normal healthy relationships and I am happy. I just see my tendencies as a unfortunate habit such as nail biting or smoking that I have conquered. I have never had MH issues or seen a psychiatrist so am only self diagnosed so I could be totally wrong but I have done a lot of research and as I said in an earlier post I have at least 2 psychopaths in my family so who knows really?

The diagnosed psychopath from the other thread had someone with a name like Psychon. I see her post from time to time and her posts are interesting when you know her dx.

Psychopaths definitely do try to copy what they see 'normal' people doing around them. I remember the P in my life saying, early on when I knew him 'you seem really down to earth'. Down to earth is highly unlikely to be the way my friends would describe me, but it's one of those stereotypical and bland things people say to describe themselves or each other.

charis and ihave- I think your differing experiences of this "media tycoon" just illustrate a point about psychopaths: On superficial acquaintance, they are charming. And they are often clever enough to boost their image in the public eye with philanthropy. Many psychopaths occupy a comfortable position as "pillars of the community".

Of course, the example that springs to mind is Jimmy Savile. I have no idea whether he has been formally posthumously diagnosed, but that combination of dreadful, widespread abuse, combined with the charitable persona, the strange hold he seemed to exert on so many influential people, and the way he could apparently suddenly turn really really, chillingly nasty when threatened, would seem to suggest a psychopath.

My ex did that too. His children have bad health causing disabilities. He would make then carry heavy bags and in front of others carry a strangers buggy up and down stairs for them. He would refuse to pay csa and would give someone elses child an expensive gift who shared a birthday with his child when his child got nothing. Then people wondered why the dc don't like him.

Joan - that is awful - your poor dc :(

I have read what you say before about Ps. I'm wondering if my dad is a P or has P tendencies. I'm fairly sure I've had a relationship with two Ps and I briefly dated a N but I worked him out and dumped him before he got his claws in. That's how I've come to read this book. My dad has never shown any interest in me, whatsoever. But as you describe, I remember him having plenty of time and interest in other people's kids. And he also treated my mum like dirt. He can be really nasty and cruel - this is what my counsellor said when I described his behaviour to her. As a child I remember him taking great delight in winding me up and upsetting me. I don't think it's any coincidence that since I was about 16 I've had an attraction to men who don't seem to be wired normally.