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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

please help I am feeling very low

10 replies

Sleepytrain · 25/04/2015 20:27

I have been emotionally abused all my life by parents- only recently found out that is the case (ie. it is not all my fault). I get picked up and dumped and kicked to the curb and shat on and then blamed for it. I have a small ds, I love him so much and feel that no one in my family gives a shit. I get brought up then kicked down all the time and I was being so strong but not any more. This is really hard, how can I do his on my own without any family who love me, or any friends who know the truth because I am too ashamed. how can I distance myself from my ex oh when we have a child together he is poison, and LOVES to make me feel bad about myself. It is like a sport to him.

OP posts:

somethingmorepositive · 25/04/2015 20:36

What happened most recently? How did you come to realize that you had been emotionally abused by your parents? You must be very strong if you have been able to face this difficult truth without any real support.

Original poster

Sleepytrain · 25/04/2015 20:49

He pretends to play happy families and then he just disappears to have his fun with his and leaves me on my own. ie. picks me up then drops me, and metaphoriacally kicks me in the face for good measure. I came to realise it because I read a book about control and abuse and realised the way I was brought up was wrong. and then when I tried to resolve it it got worse - as they warned in the book I read, I am trying to be strong so much but I am really hurting tonight and feel very alone. I don't mind that for myself because I don't expect any special treatment, I don't want to inflict people with my stupid problems. I can deal with it on my own as that is what Ihave always done, just drowned it out with booze or something and withdrawn.
But it's my ds that I care about - I don't want him to suffer from this so I cannot ignore my feelings anymore and drown in a bottle of wine - which is what I have usually done all my life.

OP posts:

Jackw · 25/04/2015 21:46

You poor love, what a crap deal you've had. Of course you are hurting and feeling low. But..... You have a DS who you love so much and you are trying to be strong for him. Lucky DS, luckier than you. This is your new little family and maybe you can create a new, good, strong family for yourself now.

With regard to your horrible ex, tell us what he's doing. There are lots of people on here who can help you deal with him.

DeckSwabber · 25/04/2015 22:12

Just here to say you are not alone. I felt very ashamed when my relationship didn't work out. Realised later that my crap family had left me wide open to falling for the wrong guy, not knowing my own worth.

You care about your son and that's a powerful place to start.

Original poster

Sleepytrain · 25/04/2015 22:23

Thank you so much for your kind words :). Yes, I am working on trying to be positive and create a better future because my ds is my driving force. He treats me with utter disdain, whereas all I wished for was love and hope and happiness. We spent the day together today, with ds, and then he decided to f* off after ds had gone to bed, leaving me on my own again. stupid me was looking forward to hopefully having a nice evening. stupid. he just f*d off like he always does and made me feel like pond life.

OP posts:

Jackw · 25/04/2015 23:14

Hmmm, it sounds like you think that you are still in a relationship with him but that he has moved on and is only keeping up contact because of your son. I know that's tough to deal with but if you keep hoping he's going to come back to you, you are laying yourself open to be hurt over and over again. You will get over it quicker, the less time you spend with him. Can he see your son somewhere else than in your home?

Original poster

Sleepytrain · 25/04/2015 23:38

Yes, I think we need to come up with a firm agreement re: child contact. I was the one that got him to move out though because he was violent and I threatened to call the police. He says he wants to move back in and doesn't want to split up. But at the same time he treats me like s*

OP posts:

Jackw · 25/04/2015 23:47

Oh babes, he was violent and he treats you like shit. Please, please don't let him move back in. Well done you for getting him to move out in the first place. See how strong you can be to protect yourself and your DS. This is hard right now, but I think you can do it.

Original poster

Sleepytrain · 26/04/2015 00:03

Thank you x My resolve is coming back I think now. He drains me so much and leaves me feeling so confused and hopeless. I have to keep him out of my life and find out a way of doing that while still making sure my son has a healthy relationship with his father. I don't know how todo that without opening myself up to further abuse from this asshole, quite frankly.

OP posts:

Jackw · 26/04/2015 09:42

Morning, I hope you are feeling a bit better, this morning. I wonder if you need some real life help to help you deal with your ex. Lots of people on this forum recommend Women's Aid. There's a link at the top of the relationships page to mumsnet's domestic violence webguide which has the contact details. Otherwise, are you still seeing your health visitor? They can often put you in contact with support groups.

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