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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is it possible to start liking someone again?

4 replies

everyusernameisinuse · 25/04/2015 13:50

Been with DH over 15 years and to be honest I can't say I like him very much at times.

Nothing has happened - it's like I just don't love him anymore. Whenever we spend time together we end up fighting.

I'm sure he'd say I nag him and I know I do - but sometimes he does things that cause me to nag!

He annoys me when he flies off the handle with the children instead of dealing with them calmly. He gets really stressed if he's trying to do something and they're in the way. He gets so exasperated and starts giving out loudly and he sounds on edge. We are trying to teach DS1 to react calmly to stress but he doesn't have a good example in DH.

Other things annoy me. If I realise he's on the way home just after the DCs have gone to bed - I text him and say 'please be quiet when you come in'. He replies he will be quiet and then every time he comes in and bangs the front door loudly and might be talking loudly on his phone. If I get annoyed and go down and tell him to keep the noise down he tells me to stop nagging him! Of course the DC's hear him and start asking 'is daddy home?' And it takes them much longer to fall asleep.

He puts things into the dishwasher without scrapping food off so when the wash is done there is lumps of food on everything. If I ask him to please scrape the dishes he says I'm nagging. I have asked him to leave the dishes for me to do - but he won't do that.

I'm only in my 30's. We have 2 DCs and a house together. I don't want to leave - I just want things to be like they were before. There is decades of this stretching out in front of us.

I used to be in love with him but that was before we had DCs.

Is it normal to feel like this about someone after 15 years together?

OP posts:
OhDearohdear0dear · 25/04/2015 14:05

He puts things into the dishwasher without scrapping food off so when the wash is done there is lumps of food on everything

I know that this isn't what you are asking about .... but you either need a new dishwasher or need to check you are loading it properly and using the correct cycle.

Most dishwasher manufacturers advise that there is no need to pre-scrape or clean dishes before putting them into the dishwasher. This is because the way that detergent works means that it is more effective when there is stuff on the plates (lumps etc) to attach on to.

If you have lumps of food still stuck on plates, you are probably not using the correct cycle and/or not using the machine correctly - check things like (a) whether your rinse aid is full and dial turned to correct setting (sometimes you need a few goes to adjust this in the light of water hardness - test is whether you have sparkling clean glasses or residue) (b) salt correctly filled (c) appropriate and good quality detergent.

Seriously - it's not worth nagging your husband about something that is soluble.

Read your manual and check these things.

neighbourhoodwitch · 25/04/2015 14:16

Yes I think it is possible. sounds like you'd benefit from some time together to calmly talk things through. keep the faith...It is possible. xx

FelicityGubbins · 25/04/2015 14:51

RE your DH coming home and banging doors and bellowing down the phone, let him... then when the kids ask "is daddy home? " say yes, and let them come back downstairs and bounce all over him, he will soon learn to be quiet!
Nagging has accomplished nothing so let him learn the hard way, plates not washed properly means he eats off a shitty plate etc...

sonjadog · 25/04/2015 15:40

I love that the first response was all about dishwashers.

I think it is definitely possible to start liking someone again, but not if you keep going in the rut like you are. What were the things you used to like about him? Do you have other interests outside the home? Sometimes I think getting away from your nearest and dearest makes you love them more when you get back.

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